Sundays Musings
I’m feeling kind of humble after the last week. Quite a few habits that I thought I had put behind me crept back in. It just reminds me that life is a learning process. Setbacks are great to help me to grow and improve. And I realise I continually I need to keep up with my own standards and the best of me.
This past week it was It was little things. Being under prepared for classes… Sure they still went well, but I couldn’t enjoy them as much as I should and they sucked my energy rather than replenishing it (as they often do). I kept repeating mistakes in trading that I hadn’t done for many weeks. I frustrated myself to the point where I wasn’t thinking clearly. The one of the biggest assets in trading is having a clear mind to process information in the moment as decisions need to be taken in real time with a certain amount of pressure. It’s living on the edge, kind of a replacement for live performance… maybe that’s why I enjoy it. I did manage to take a step back and observe, moving away from the frustration, so that is a positive. But by letting frustration get to me for a while, suddenly the depreciating self talk kicks in. It’s there and always will be, to hit me when I feel vulnerable.
And what was my reaction to this adversity this week…? Avoidance. My time spent on social media increased as a way to escape, leading to me being less prepared and achieving less from the week.
Ok, perhaps I am being a little hard on myself here. I did manage to do all I needed to do and though I could have done more or found a better emotional state, sometimes energy and productiveness does ebb and flow.
I think there is one thing typifies what I was going through. It comes back to the “Leadership: Step by Step” book that I keep putting down and picking back up. The task was: as I feel unwanted emotions to work out what beliefs contribute to them?
It’s been really tricky to engage here. I have avoided the task, even in and of itself (to start it). And as I attempt to do it, I catch myself distracting myself by suddenly wanting to check e-mail or listen to some music, as I am attempting to write and think. Avoidance pure!
So what is in this? Well, yes I am avoiding the difficult emotions, but also the beliefs that lead me to them, which of course is the point of it all!!
Eg. Feeling unworthy:
I believe I never learn from my mistakes
I believe only people who are perfect are worthy
I believe my worth is reflected in how much I achieve
I believe I am not good enough
Feeling overwhelmed:
I believe only busy people are of value
I believe I need to push myself to do more
I believe life is a struggle and I will fall in a ditch
I believe I have to fight the feeling
I believe I am alone and isolated
Amazing how much relief I feel as I type this. As I write these beliefs, I don’t judge them. But I do see how irrational they may be. Without highlighting them and by avoiding them, I keep getting stuck in a circle of subconscious beliefs that hang there in my mind, keeping me in protective behaviour and robbing me of the energy I need to bubble and feel free. The energy that drives me!
There has always been a struggle inside me with negative emotions. It’s a habit of wanting to deny their existence, which never works. Maybe it’s cultural or upbringing, but I am totally responsible for the way I behave and think. Expressing them and their accompanying beliefs does actually feel good.
I’ll admit I’ve never really had a handle on self-worth. I know that I should believe that I am worthy no matter what, but there is a difference between knowing something and feeling it! And really one’s worth should have nothing to do with other people. But as I say that, I don’t believe it does have to do with others, but a feeling in me says that it does?!?
The gaps between thoughts/knowledge, beliefs and feelings! At least awareness is the first step to resolving them!!
Understanding how feelings affect movement
The way we move is directly affected by our feelings. Our physical stature each day expresses how we feel in the moment as well as how we feel in general. Someone who is feeling confident will have a more outward, open body position and be more physically active. Someone who is feeling sad will be inward looking, resist eye contact and be happier by hardly moving at all, moving only in small slow efforts. It is all subjective of course, but there are tendencies to certain types of movement.
How can we define this movement from a movement analysis perspective?
We can look at Labans’ Movement Analysis techniques to see how each type of emotion can be defined. I will qualify this here in saying, I have not formally studied Labans theories. I may be wrong in some of the expressions and definitions and this is just my understanding through my experiences as a dancer/teacher/choreographer.
To look at emotion, an approach would be to define characteristic movements dynamic qualities — Time (fast, slow), Space (direct, indirect) and Energy (Strong, light) with Flow (controlled, uncontrolled) as well as its shape or posture qualities — Rising, Sinking, Spreading, Enclosing, Advancing, and Retreating.
So taking a feeling like confident that I just previously explained:
My definition:
Confident - Slow, Direct and Light combined with Rising, Spreading and Advancing movement.
This is totally subjective, as I can see how someone may want to portray confident with Strong energy. My opinion is that would then be the feeling of powerful but that is open for discussion.
To note is that by changing one component one accesses a different feeling. Also that it is a generalisation of the type of movement a feeling produces, not the complete picture. ie. more slow than fast…
What else is there to define here?
One could define emotions on positive/negative polarities. They can have the same action dynamics but different shape/posture qualities. Positive emotions will want to rise spread and advance while negative emotions will want to sink enclose and retreat. This is obviously another generalisation rather than a rule. Someone who is fearful may fulfil the negative side, but for instance resignation or shock would want to spread rather than enclose.
I have been and will be working on this idea with my students over the next months as it’s an interesting way to address the feeling side of dance (see previous posts on dance being a cross between form and movement). There is much to explore here and I haven’t as yet found any literature that goes into this kind of use of movement analysis in detail.
Another aim is to work on is not only how emotions can be defined, but then how to apply them then to dance. Of course a feeling is quite a strong point to work from. If I feel here happy, then I will naturally want to move faster… etc. Yet, say I have a certain choreography, how can I transpose happy onto the form? Or does the form need to be based in the emotion? What exercises are there to develop this skill both from an education, research and choreographic perspective?
Plenty to think about!
Feelings in Dance 2 - Beliefs
In searching for answers and ideas to develop my ability to teach/inspire the feeling side of dance, I read some research papers that inferred one doesn’t actually have to feel a feeling to express it as a dancer. I’m trying to be open-minded about this idea, yet instinct says that this is academic rubbish!! Yes, we don’t need to feel actual pain to express pain… but conversely wouldn’t it help? It comes down to the authenticity of emotion and the depth of performance one desires.
I have the belief that the movements (within reason) are less important than the emotional content behind them. The form is always there but it can change and evolve with the emotional content. The power and meaning in movement comes from its intention, what one desires to express. Movement in itself can be done in different ways so as to express different emotions (there will be natural variations, but in essence it will be the same steps). That this is the power of live performance, not the actual technique but the raw presence and feeling.
We are lucky in dance that we have both form and feeling. It makes dance unique and the crossover between the two gives it its power. I teach a lot of ballet to younger kids. I see the disinterest when a class gets to dry and technical and the excitement and joy that creating movement or expressing an idea through working with feelings gives. You of course need to teach kids both and ideally combine the two in exercises.
To get to the feeling content, one thing that I started a number of years ago was writing down a table of emotions and their basic movement qualities described in dynamics (Laban movement classification). Feelings are subjective, as each person feels slightly differently and also reacts physically and expresses themselves differently to certain emotions, but there are broad generalisations that one can make to do with different feelings. I will add some of the ideas over the next weeks as I refine and work on them.
Feelings in Dance 1 - Reflection
This is most likely going to be a theme for me for a while as it is something that I’m unsatisfied with and want to grow into. There is a general knowledge gap here. I struggle to integrate the ideas of what I want to know with any serious answers. It links into yesterdays topic: Feelings in dance.
In reflection on the last project, I was unsatisfied as to how much of a struggle it was to find the emotional content the dancers were trying to express in performing the movement. The ideas were there but there was a gap between the idea and the practice. I have many questions that I need to work out answers to, but as always it comes back to an examination of my own processes and beliefs.
It was strange to me, yet shouldn’t have been that unexpected, that the way to find emotional content of a dance in the project was difficult. I was myself more focused on the form from the beginning than the feeling. Transposing the feeling into the dance at the later stages proved difficult.
So why was this the case? The content of the dances I had explained at various stages in the process. There was a written protocol with the emotional content/keywords to do with each dance that one could reference. I did engage and encourage feeling in the movement, but obviously from the rate of development, not enough. Somehow it was a struggle. I would talk to the dancers about how they felt and the answers I received also avoided the question asked which was either a reluctance to connect or a lack of understanding. eg. “how did you feel while performing… x… dance? or what did it mean to you as you were performing? The answers received were “I liked this moment/such and such step worked well, this was good…” Valid answers yet mostly devoid of emotional content!
Now I will qualify the situation a little. I was working with amateur dancers, but I don’t find this an excuse. We all are humans, no matter our training, with emotions and feelings. In the end I take responsibility as the choreographer for what comes out. We are only as good as each other and that is the reason we continue to strive for growth and development. That we had mountains of. The idea is to focus it better next time!
Capability and a willingness to connect with our emotional sides can sometimes be different, but I’m not too sure this was the case. It was a group of 10 women and group dynamics can be tricky. Yet my feeling was they felt comfortable with each other and connected so the surroundings were not adverse. At one stage we talked about having an awareness for the others with which one dances and from the moment I placed the focus on this area, it came straight away and was amazing!
Sometimes there may be a lack of willingness to be vulnerable in front of ones peers, yet it also didn’t really strike me as an issue. Though that is only from my perspective that I can judge it. We have known each other for over one year, some for 3 years and more. Generally, I receive well thought out feedback when I ask questions or leave space for the dancers to reflect on their experience of an idea or exercise that we have just performed.
So I am drawn back to the disconnect between the knowledge of emotion and how to put them into dance in a meaningful way — to at the same time create a stronger connection with oneself.
There was a wide range of feelings that I was asking for throughout the piece.
So what do we need to connect with the emotion of dance?
Here are my first thoughts as to a checklist/steps (it needs development):
Connection with oneself
Willingness to be open and vulnerable
Able to tap into/connect to desired feeling through pictures, memories or personal experience
Allowing the feeling to be embodied — letting go and surrendering to the feeling/emotion
An understanding of what a feeling is and how it affects movement
Being able to transpose the concept/idea/theory into actual movement/performance
Dance - an unproductive expenditure of energy?!
Earlier in the week I was reading about dance philosophy. Just a taste of a book by a French man Frederic Poulillaude. It came about because I was asked to recommend a book on choreography to a friend and I couldn’t think of one in particular that I would recommend! But that is a topic for another post.
Unworking Choreography has some really interesting ideas and theories in it. I’ve never delved too deep into dance philosophy so this is actually new for me. I have strong beliefs and ideals about dance, but they are built from experience not from analytics or an academic perspective. And the ideas in this book crystallise some of them and shed new light on others.
I was surprised to read that dance was omitted by Kant from his classification of the fine arts in the 18th century. To him it was problematic as it didn’t fit his models of classification of the aesthetics of art. Dance is more transcendental being part of both polarities of classification in many areas. It is in itself actually transcendental due to the fact that it bridges the different art forms. I shall try and explain.
The first description that brought a chuckle from me was the idea that dance is an ”unproductive expenditure of energy”. Think of it like this: to dance we move and expend energy in doing so. There is nothing left after “dancing” save for the memory or experience of what has happened.
To explain this further let’s look at Kants’ aesthetics of fine arts.
Arts are classified as: form or experiential/sense based
For example, a picture has a fixed form that one can see and does not change, as does a sculpture. There may be many iterations of a picture but there are lines or strokes or dots that are fixed in time and space producing a visual form.
Experiential/sensual art is that which touches the senses such as a music performance or a play. It is experiential as the senses are engaged in listening to the piece or the actors portray a character, though usually this comes from a set score or text.
So how does dance fit in this formula? Well it is both in essence, yet does not fulfil either fully. It is a visual art very much based of forms that we see. The shapes our bodies make as we dance are clear and part of the aesthetic beauty — think ballet but also modern dance in its many forms. This is something music and plays do not usually have.
As an experiential/sensual art, one has to be present to experience dance as a performance. There is a choreography (text or score equivalent), yet it is very difficult to notate sufficiently. There are methods of notation that do capture the movement but do they also capture the essence sufficiently? If one thinks about the movements that are created today, there is no defined form or technique that can directly classify many movements adequately. Dance in itself over the years has shied away from being notated (there have been many attempts, yet nothing that has become mainstream, a la music or dramatic texts), so apart from videos today in the digital age, there isn’t much that is left over from a dance performance. The performance itself is unique as it is a living moment and even with video, it is very difficult to reproduce the same performance say 10 years later if you weren’t involved in the original, knowing the intent. Even today in rehearsals dancers argue about what the steps were, or the meaning behind them (I put my hand up!). If you weren’t there to experience the performance then you missed it. And even if you did, how much does one remember months or years later? A great tune one can hum and sticks in ones head. So does a classic line of a text. How many dance sequences can an audience remember and reproduce?
The sensual side of dance one experiences from being in the live performance, demands the use of ones senses to perceive the expression of feelings and connection and relationships between dancers. This is so important for the experience and without the energy that is produced by dancers performing, it becomes mechanical. It is the difference between being there live and watching a video of a performance. Sure you see the same thing but the experience is very different. And in our digital world these days the live performance is very valuable.
Expressing dance as being unproductive expenditure of energy, I think the theory misses the point. Dance transcends both classifications of the aesthetics of art in that it is both yet it 100% fulfils neither. Maybe that is what makes it so special!
This is to me why dance is so interesting. It’s more than one type of an art/experience. There is often a debate about form and feeling in dance, whether one is more important than the other. In having both, it raises what dance can be. For great dance you need both. Great dancers and great performances have emotion stirring the senses and a visual form that is aesthetically beautiful. You can have one more than the other, or be proficient in one side and still have value, yet the magic is in the two combined, enriching each other!
Frustration and Creativity
It’s a Friday evening and I’m feeling frustrated. Stuck at home with little that I want to do (there is always plenty to do!). Yet this feeling of frustration is my own making and usually leads to me to start being creative.
Why is it that sometimes I have to push myself to be so unsatisfied so as to start something new? It is a little nonsensical, but for some reason my motivation only comes when I have procrastinated so much that to get out of this feeling I need to express myself or let out the energy in some form. ie. this blog post. I’ve been putting off posting for about a week. I’ve had plenty to write about but I’ve avoided it.
Actually I don’t mind posting and feeling open and vulnerable with my thoughts. They are mine and they change and develop as I type. Self-reflection is always a good mover of my beliefs and just by expressing myself they evolve to new places.
A couple of things I have been working on and thinking about:
I’ve been editing a 3 angle film from the Lebendige Landschaft performance. It’s been fun being a film director. With Final Cut I can click and choose which picture I put into the film. I was a little click happy at first, but slowly I am finding a balance. Ever since I taught myself video editing about 14 years ago I have wanted to do a multi-film cut and finally I have the opportunity! I think it was a new feature (or streamlined feature) back then, yet I never had 3 films of the same piece. This time I’ve needed the 3 angles just simply because one camera is too narrow to capture everything that is going on in the performance. I’ll post some snippets once it is done!
I’ve been doing some reading too! Earlier in the week I was reading about dance philosophy. More about this in the next post!
Beliefs of Others
Now that the Light Art Dance Project is on hiatus, I suddenly have a little more free time and space to focus on other interests. Back to doing some personal development!
I was writing about beliefs that I hold, as I was working through the Leadership Step by Step book from Joshua Spodek.
The next exercise in the book, after examining my own beliefs, was to examine those of others. It’s a very interesting exercise! The exercise is simply writing down what I perceive the beliefs of others to be. It has had a profound effect. I feel a certain sense of inner-peace and a depersonalisation towards the beliefs of others. Yet how does this all relate?
As I examine my own life, I see how I am affected by the beliefs of other people, especially those close to me. Their opinions have meaning and weight as do those of my peers. Though it’s never been something I’ve really wanted, I do have a natural urge to please or place my worth inline with those opinions. Intellectually it’s quite silly, as growing up and maturing I’ve known (or told myself) that the opinions of others are unimportant and comparing myself to others is something to let go of. Yet try as I may to ignore or consciously move away from this external influence, it still seems to persist. We don’t live in isolation and I value the friendships and relationships that I have. There is always a balance to be found between being self-centred and other orientated. Or so I have believed!
So in doing the exercise of examining the beliefs of others, it has opened my eyes and awareness. Perhaps it is the task of identifying beliefs that makes them real and clear rather than a tendency to generalise bringing up certain feelings inside me that I can not quite attribute to any one situation. As a result, the exercise has given me a feeling of release and inner peace. I feel a lot more compassionate towards others and empathise with their opinions and beliefs even those of which I don’t personally share. I don’t necessarily find others beliefs even rational, but somehow there is an acceptance that they are what they are and are important for that person in their life. I also feel no need to change them or convince them otherwise.
Perhaps most important for me personally is that I don’t feel threatened by others beliefs or that them having positive opinions of me is an important thing - depersonalisation. I must admit that up until quite recently, I would have been influenced or emotionally affected. By examining the beliefs of others I seem to be able to order them in the bucket of “not a threat” and there is a lot of freedom created in this new perspective.
As with every exercise there is obviously a lot more to get out of it… we shall see in the coming days!
Lebendige Landschaft - Light Art Dance Performance
We had our Premiere of Lebendige Landschaft and it went well!! A big thank you to all those involved. It takes a team and plenty of dedication to put together such a production and for that I am truly grateful.
From my text for the program:
Landschaft - einen kulturell geprägte, subjektive Wahrnehmung einer Gegend als ästhetische Ganzheit, oder ein Gebiet zu bezeichnen.
Landscape - a culturally characterised, subjective view of an area as an asthetic form or a region.
A picture of a large space limited only by what the eye can see. A space full of texture, form and feeling that slowly through time reveals itself the longer it is observed. In Lebendige Landschaft the dancers use their bodies to form the landscape, living and breathing before our eyes. Integrated together with the projections from Jürgen Weiss, the landscapes are rich in texture and dynamic, alive like the world we live in.
The evening arrived and the hall quickly filled up as we opened the doors for the audience. We had to add extra seats above the 100 we were anticipating to the available space and still there were people standing and sitting on the floor! The 70 mins long piece in 17 scenes, moved through different moods and atmospheres, exploring ideas of landscape. It had dance, performance and projection elements that combined together to create an integrated evening. The performance was well received and in itself went off without hitch.
For myself, being the choreographer and director, by the time the premiere comes there is not much I can do other than encourage the artists before the show and let go. After years of experience at this, I enjoy this moment more and more, letting go of control and taking pleasure at what has been created. In the end the performance is a snapshot of how far I/we have come with the piece and how far the ideas have been developed. The process is the success and the performance is the harvest of the effort that has been put in by all.
Throughout the process I try to actively learn through reflection both creatively and as a teacher/mentor. There were many things that were a first for me which were pleasing. It is always about allowing myself to be vulnerable and the extent that I can handle it. That’s where courage comes into play and the real growth occurs! There are always moments that work better than others and ideas that shine where others deceive, yet the variation and subtlety of what was created found a consistent harmony without deviating too far from the mood of the piece as a whole.
The growth for me was to trust in my ideas and to create a piece that had a little more space to express itself, defined by abstract rather than quirk. Less of the need to entertain and more of the need to experience and take people on a journey. I impressed myself by being open to listen and take in ideas that I previously would have dismissed without exploring them fully. They developed into scenes that enriched the piece as a whole.
It was a team effort as it always is and the choreography of quite a few of the dance scenes were created by the dancers themselves. It was always within the framework of a theme relating to the landscape idea. Their trust and inspiration helped a lot.
During the performance it was interesting watching the audience, as one of the experiments I had was to have them sitting with a wide rather than a narrow focus. Seeing people looking in different directions, at the same time taking in all the movement and pictures that were being created before their eyes was a sight to see. On one hand it shows our individuality as our focus is attracted to different things (projection, dancers moving in different areas) as due to the width it is barely possible to take in it all at once. This is one way of managing to offer a unique experience. It was one that I intended to create - that each seat having a different view whether from one side or the other, left, right or centre.
As to the dance - thank you to the ladies gave it their all and I thought it was the best run/performance yet! I am very grateful for all their effort and dedication to the project! It was good to see that having a full audience added to the energy and atmosphere inspiring them to perform. They were expressive and physically present, dances as a group and shined in their individual roles!
A big thank you goes to Maria my partner for doing the lighting and supporting me throughout the whole process.
Thank you too to Gerrit for the organisation and the tireless work on the web-site and Jürgen for the creative inspiration with his projections. They made the evening happen and were a very supportive team. Our creative differences and distinctive views added to what we achieved.
More photos and video will come over the next days as they come to hand. :-)
Stage managing tanzmainz Soul Chain tour to Brugge
At the moment I am sitting in an ICE train to Brugge. Over the next 2 1/2 days I will be on tour with tanzmainz stage-managing their production of Soul Chain. I’m feeling quite excited about the adventure!
Over the last few weeks I have attended their rehearsals to learn the piece and the cues. Soul Chain is one of those magical pieces that just blows you away with its high energy. Sharon Eyal created a masterpiece! 50 mins of intensity that is complex yet repetitive like the accompanying techno music, bringing everyone involved - audience and dancers, to trance like state. The movement is fine and detailed yet extremely expressive. There are no breaks with constant movement from every dancer sometimes smaller, sometimes larger. There are lot of messages from the constellation of dancers, their personalised gestures and how they react to each other. They are raw and very powerful. How she has choreographed the dancers onstage as a group for 45 of the 50 mins is such a fantastic use of an ensemble, .
To stage manage the piece is another skill that I am personally working on. Being a choreographer and also working my own dance projects, the managing and giving cues is all part of the process. Working out what they should be (to do with light plans that I have created and their timing), how they coordinate with other moving parts of the stage, the choreography and the music is a task that every creation involves. Giving the cues in real time is just a small extension of this function.
Two years ago I had a fantastic experience with tanzmainz stage-manageing their Shift performance which was choreographed by Rui Horta and performed in the Church of Christ in Mainz. Different because it was a new creation so I was involved in the process and learned a lot from Rui at the same time. So when the offer came to join the team for some performances spread out over the season and with such a great piece I said yes straight away.
Exciting!!
Dancer development between Haunted House and Lebendige Landschaft
Recently I have been thinking a lot about how I have been working with the ladies who are dancing the piece. It’s getting into psychology here and the more I think about it, the more I should really just ask them how they feel!
The ladies are doing amazing! To think of what we have achieved and how far we have come makes me really proud.
A year ago we had our first project together “Haunted House”. It was different in that it was in an outdoor setting and there were seven short dance numbers - two main group pieces mix with solos and duets. Everyone had a few moments each, yet there was ample break between each one to take a breath and focus.
This time is different. They are all present in the room from beginning to end. There are moments to breathe and relax, yet the whole hour they need to be present with many group numbers and a continual line between each part. If they are not dancing, they are helping out by being part of the scenery in fixed poses, lying down sitting or seeing to tasks that are physically visible. It’s not to underestimate how much effort and concentration this takes! All that is all aside from the varying dance numbers they are performing with the differences in expression quality and feel.
On top of this challenge, there is no front or back to the choreography - a typical fourth wall which even for professionals can disorientate. There is also the challenge of filling out a large room.
I have always loved large spaces. Coming from Australia where distances are larger and personal space is too, the feeling of spreading through a room and moving in space is one of my loves of dance. Stretching a movement to its limit, trying to go from one side of the room to the other in a few steps, pushing the boundaries of what’s possible has always been a passion. The Naumann-Saal is 24m by 12m and our dance space is 18m by 8m. In coming from a rehearsal space where the width is only half the size, it means larger steps, stretching out more, moving through the room and realising that there is space.
As I say, it is amazing how well it has all come together and how they have all developed through the experience!