The fantasy of touch
Task: Look at an object. Imagine how it is to touch this object… What happens? What is the physical reaction in you body? What do you sense?
It’s amazing the power of imagination. How the imagination works. What just thinking about touch does to the body. It provokes a physical sensation that is not currently present. Even though the fantasy of touch is a figment of imagination it has such a realness to it. Furthermore imagination is not fixed by physical limitations, so in many ways it can take the feeling and sensation even further. The magical power of the mind. And once the mind is stimulated in such fashion, through association, the fantasy is able to grow and grow.
My thoughts came to how it is when you have no access to touch. When there is no-one else around? The idea of touching oneself is often seen as taboo, but the fantasy of touching something or being touched?
Do we need touch itself to provoke its feeling? How real or close to the feeling of being touched can we get?
So many questions!
I was using this idea of the fantasy of touch in creating today. Finding expressive movement that comes from fantasising a feeling of touch. Passive touch, of someone stroking your skin, grabbing at your wrists, holding you tight or active touch, the need to move an object, support oneself, lift a hand or grab the space…
Sensations I felt were very real and intense. The flow of movement came and knew where it wanted to go. The creation that came is intuitive, inner impulse based from the fantasy of the sensation of touch.
AM and Choreography
The more I have experimented with Authentic Movement, the more uses I find for it. There are many ways in which it is very helpful and brings amazing results. I guess if I distil them all down the one thing that really stands out, is the connection to inner impulses. Through Authentic Movement I establish a strong intensive connection to my own inner impulses, follow them and use them in various settings. They are like inner urges longing to come out and at the same time I feel as if I am being moved. I feel a deep sense of connection to myself and also as if I have totally let go of control. Something inside of me moves and I go with it!
Why choreographically?
In choreography, a lot of the interesting movement that I see has a genuine authenticity to it. Sometimes it comes from the choreographer directly where you can see them moving onstage, the body of the dancer just a means of expression. At other times, it is the dancer themselves who are so congruent and authentic in their role that a powerful moment is produced. Either way it there is an authenticity in the dance.
From all these thoughts my question is: How can I use AM or AM principles in choreography?
There are of course many ways! Here is one of them…
Before starting I get clear on my theme so that the framework of intent is there to guide me. It’s like creating a shell or an area of containment within which I can explore. This can be based on the music, theme, or intention… Within these parameters, I turn my awareness inside my body, listening to the impulses that come (à la AM) and let myself be moved. What results is authentic inspired movement that follows and arises spontaneously in the moment. These phrases I record on video (or sometimes just through memory). I then watch them, refine them and guide them encapsulating the feeling phrasing, shape and dynamic into coherent dance. The process is a continuous flow following follow these authentic inner impulses.
I have found a few limitations: working with eyes closed (not always necessary but helpful) can make the movement a little smaller. Sometimes the impulses get off track and there is a need to refocus the intent, but these are small problems that are easily overcome.
Really what is created from the process, is a base from which to work.
So here is a beginning of a duet on the theme of touch using these principles…. Fresh and raw!
With Ioulia Kokkokkiou
Music Nils Frahm
Touch
Recently, as a further step in my own personal dance development I have been exploring the theme of touch. It’s amazing, intense and such a wild theme. My feeling is that touch is something that you can only really experience. It is physical, stimulates the senses and evokes many emotions. As I explore the theme in a physical and dance setting, I am continually surprised as to my new discoveries (for me) and how many components to touch there are to unpack. I am also surprised at how little I know and my limited awareness of touch, especially because of how big a part of life it is. It is something that we use and experience every day!
Touch is a basic need. As we enter the world, our first method of sensing where we are is touch. Time spent in the uterus gives over to the warmth of skin. Touch orientates us and is our primary attachment, the first sense we rely on. It is so strong and dictates our first experiences of the world… preverbal, pre-visual. It is connective, stimulates the emotions and transmits to the brain many messages both for us and to others. As we grow, we develop and use our other senses to explore the world, communicate and make sense of all that is around us. We become less reliant on touch, but it remains still the biggest and strongest sense. And I would argue the most intensive.
In dance we are aware of our bodies. A lot of the time we move alone or adjacent to others. Yet in working with other dancers, there is a sense of togetherness when touch is required. A lot of touch in dance, like how much of dance is taught, starts out as mechanical. It becomes function to execute movement especially when one needs to dance together. Yet this, just as producing movement without feeling, hides its greatest potential - to experience, immerse, communicate and express.
Touching is sensual. It communicates. There is intent behind each and every touch. Calming, controlling, playful… Being aware of touch can be likened to experiencing a language. It’s very familiar and intuitive but how much do you really understand? And how aware are you of the messaging when you touch someone or someone touches you?
Touch is also very intimate. It steps over a boundary and into someones personal space. It therefore requires trust. It can close the gap between people when desired or be invasive (when undesired). There is the moment just before touching/being touched which is riveting in anticipation.
Something that I am just discovering and getting my head around is how touch bridges the gap between form and feeling. Look at an object, then imagine how it is to touch this object and be aware of the physical reaction in your body… What happens?
And is all just scratching the surface of what touch is!
A short improvisation on touch with Ioulia Kokkokkiou
Small creative dance exercise
Over the last months I have been exploring the theme of expression and dance for a research project. There are a lot of ideas that may of my very generous peers have given me insight to through interviews.
An exercise that I have created, that I want share, incorporates many of the ideas to do with expression.
Idea: Take a phrase of text… eg. Do you see the stars shining brightly in the nights sky?
Associate: what comes first into mind as you hear the text? (brainstorming like a mindmap)
Improvise: with the idea and associations in mind. Move freely in the space
Follow inner impulses: What inner impulses come as you move? Inner impulses are the need to move, an urge to change ones form often from a feeling place (authenticity)
Observe and evaluate: What you find? What were the impulses? What did they get you to do / how did you feel like moving? What did you like about the movement?
Create phrase: Put the ideas together. Create repeatable movements/a phrase of movement. Set an order. Link them together in a coherent way (one leading naturally to another)
Text: create a text of the movement describing clearly the intention behind each step/idea. what am I expressing?
The exercise is multi-layered. It touches the ideas of Authenticity, Freedom and Intention creatively.
As you attempt the exercise please leave some feedback in the comments below!
Being seen...
Something I think about often is how important it is to be seen. Truly seen for who we are, our authentic selves. And in doing so, to receive empathy and acknowledgment from others.
It’s not a basic need as in shelter or food, but it is the basis of human interaction. It is the basis of connection, real connection and at an authentic level it is fulfilment pure.
Think a child crying out for attention. It is crying to be seen, to have its needs fulfilled especially by caregivers when it can’t take care of them itself.
Something that is really growing on me is how much the need to be seen can explain peoples behaviour. My own too. How inspiring it can be, how divisive it can be, how it drives us, how fulfilling the moment feels and perhaps how easy it is to give someone the present of being seen.
To truly be seen, we need to present to the world our authentic selves . Open and honest, present in the moment. Anything less is hollow. Being seen and recognised for playing a role or pretending to be something other than our true selves is empty. Any recognition or praise received passes us by as it is praise for something we are not. Being seen truly needs authenticity, a connection to our own inner being.
An example of this is the insatiable feeling that social media gives and the hollowness of this connection. The aspiration to be seen and connect makes it so addictive, but it leaves a hole - type of being seen is always authentic. It’s a partial view, a picture that one curates of oneself, lacking physical interaction to make it whole.
Another thought around being seen is how we give attention seeking behaviour a bad name. Really it the desire for connection. Some do it by offering, some by withdrawing, even conflict has often the motive behind it - to be seen. If it didn’t, then why would one bother.
It often links to our need to feel important. Being seen gives us this feeling of importance. People looking up to you or recognising you for who you are. If it is not there sometimes it is demanded!
If we reframe attention seeking as the need to be seen and connect, how does our perspective change to people who behave in a hurtful or disrespectful manner? What is their true motive for this behaviour? Could it be because they want to be seen? If they didn’t, would they even have the urge to say anything. I must admit being on the other side of such behaviour is tricky. Sometimes I wonder how to handle it? It’s tricky because rewarding bad behaviour reinforces it as a way to get the attention needed.
Perhaps the best way is to be like a mountain, immovable and unreactive to the behaviour. Realise it is their “need”. Find a way to make them feel seen, without addressing their problems/the situation, by being empathetic to what they are feeling. Recognising their feelings without being moved or afflicted by their insults or demands.
How do we see people?
Through being present: in the room or vicinity of someone and there in the moment, open.
Through eye contact: looking someone in the eyes regulates and connects at a deeper level.
Through mirroring: physical mirroring puts you into the feeling place of the person in front of you.
Through being empathetic: sounding out the feelings of another and expressing them.
Through acknowledgement: recognising achievements, presence.
Through authentic and honest appreciation: thanking them, expressing gratitude for who they are, what they do, being here.
Find something that you like about the person, or them in this moment: Giving a compliment about a quality they have/show.
Finding the words/gestures to make them feel seen.
To me, the feeling of being seen is like a bucket with a small leak. It gets filled by the above actions, yet slowly leaks over time. Being seen is also a mutual pleasure, seeing someone is simply connecting on a deep level. That moment is so fulfilling and has a lasting effect and in giving such a gift, it is also gratifying and allows reciprocation. Can we say in life all we are searching for… is to be seen?
Personally:
I like being seen authentically for who I am. It is a feeling like no other. Being introverted, it means I don’t necessarily search out the spotlight, but I certainly do enjoy it! Over many years as a performer on stage, honest appreciation felt amazing. The times when it didn’t were whether I could accept it myself, the praise. And this had more to do with me than others.
In my communication I am authentic. I say what I think and mean. I guess at times I do hold back, just to recognise a situation and getting a feel for where I am and its dynamics - attune. This is where I sometimes I get a feeling of floating and not being seen. Though how can one expect others to see you if you are not open and vulnerable? My greatest connection and resonance to others comes when I am open and vulnerable.
I think I could see others more. Engaging eye-contact is really simple, being present too. Engaging, listening actively, empathising, appreciating… all great social skills that need practice!
There is also the question of who we want to be seen by? It’s not all equal. For some reason, if someone tells me all these people are interested in me, my work, etc. it’s a nice feeling but I’m like whatever! Maybe that’s a limiting belief that I need to work on…
Who do I want to be seen by is affected by what this person means to me/represents? Being seen by people who are important to me socially, professionally, carries a lot more meaning. So it is not just being seen, but being seen by the people who we want to see us…!! And then why is it that when I don’t care about who sees me, I allow myself to be out there vulnerable, authentic and free? In doing so: being seen!?!
Reflection on Der Raum Zwischen Uns
Der Raum Zwischen Uns is my latest dance project performed on Saturday 4th September 2021 outdoors at Neroberg Wiesbaden. It was funded by the Kulturamt Wiesbaden in its “Utopia 21 - Wie wollen wir leben?” grants. The project involved 29 dancers of all different levels and abilities in a 1h piece.
Here is a reflection on my aims and the process. I am so thankful for the experience and all that I have managed to create and learn.
The theme for my submission for a dance project was: distance, closeness and the reality of our world living with COVID
From the beginning I wanted to do a project that was bigger than what I had done before. It meant taking the opportunity to make something out of the grant that I received in getting together a larger group of dancers (some professionals and some amateurs) and get more people from the city involved. To achieve this aim I needed to connect with people here in Wiesbaden interested in dance, not just through creating a project to support but through having them also dance and be involved.
In my pieces, I am not satisfied with just creating dance but I want to bring the audience an experience. Whatever it is and in whatever form it takes, my aim is to have my creation involve the audience and engage. The piece should create a thought provoking examination of an idea, where I present a point of view that can be understood on different levels. My desire is also that the concept is open to personal interpretation. This is where I started with Der Raum Zwischen Uns.
The idea came to me to present onstage real people with whom we all could connect with. It was important to the chosen theme - distance, closeness and the reality of our world living with COVID - to make it real… “it could be me”. That was also my reasoning behind using a range of people - 3 different generations - made up of amateurs, students and professionals. They give a unique blend, authentic in how they express themselves and to which the audience can relate.
In each dance I set myself the task to capture the feeling of a certain moment or a point of view through a situation. I used distance and it’s emotional pull as a reference to awaken feelings of uncertainty and longing. It has been a very present theme over the last year with social distancing and the uncertainty living with COVID has created. Also the idea that there is something out there (COVID) that we can’t see also creates uncertainty on a daily basis.
Being outdoors it was possible to set the piece on two stages. Two stages and the gap between them was important to showing themes of distance as well as the general the experience. Being separated, they created a gap, which helped in the setting of a narrative, as well allowing space between the dancers to be shown.
The first part of the piece was reflective of our emotional response, a study on space between couples and how that space feels. When you is aware of the space between you and someone else it is a strong motivator. Close the gap you feels closeness, grow the gap, separation. Is the distance desired then it calms, is it undesired then it creates tension and pressure. In the study, we go to from here is always open with each moment providing a possibility that speaks for itself. A relationship takes two people and is dependent on the desire for connection and what type of connection that is.
The second part of the piece was situational. I tried my hand at a narrative showing different reactions to the new situation created by the corona virus. I find it fascinating that there are so many different responses to what has happened. The one thing we share in common is this has happened to us all. We all have an emotional response regarding the new situation. My creation is also reflection of looking what is important to us/me in the end. By taking away the things that we need/love, we realise more what is important to us.
I learned a lot from organising the project myself. From engaging dancers, keeping in a budget, organising rehearsals to the whole production side, there was much to do and we got it done. I asked for help where I needed it and managed to bring the best that I could within the scope of what was possible. For all the help I received I am very grateful!
Having a lighting rehearsal was perhaps the one thing that I needed that wasn’t possible due to costs, but otherwise I was very happy with the results. The dance side was fantastic. The quality of the dancers and their engagement was something I am proud of. Their expression and interpretation, bringing to life my ideas in their own way was very impressive and carried the piece.
Perhaps costuming is a weakness that I can improve on for my next projects. Getting a clear line of thinking and finding a design would help. Making decisions about costuming and believing in them. Here I see my limitations and space for growth.
In these weaknesses perhaps the best thing is to ask for help/advice from people who are knowledgable about them. Definitely on the technical side I have people who can help and through doing the process even more have emerged. It doesn’t need them to invest a lot of time, but to offer an opinion is something that people are mostly willing to do. It’s networking from my side and taking initiative in making contact. As I have learned, my ideas and skills can be great, though those of a group can be even greater. There is always more that one can reach together!
A bit of self praise here. On reflection, I see many moments in my piece that were created subconsciously. I am amazed at how things fit together and even express intriguing thoughts that I hadn’t meant to create. The blossoming of creative processes continue to surprise me. And the clarity with which the ideas came across was quite fulfilling.
There is a certain flow in the integration of ideas, finding meaning in things that were already created. Spontaneity in creation and then clarification and crystallisation of the idea towards the end through reflection. It’s letting a piece grow by itself and take on a life of it’s on, where I see myself as the gardener or parent, forming it at the edges, yet allowing a piece to evolve by itself! Magic!!
A big thank you to everyone involved and the Kulturamt Wiesbaden for their support!
In full length, here for the moment:
Enjoy!
Immersion
Immersion: Deep mental involvement in something
Immersion is feeling and state that is amazing. It’s the feeling of being really involved deeply so that time stays still. It’s being surrounded by and engulfed in whatever one is immersed. The creative ideas flow. To be immersed in a passion is so satisfying...
Somehow I have a certain feeling of discomfort surrounding immersing myself. Even in things that I love to do. There is a certain hesitation. It shows itself in procrastination and a feeling of being overwhelmed. There is also a perceived feeling of losing myself. A lack of control?
It’s not the immersion itself that scares me. I love that state. I have an aversion to where I will be at the end of it. I wonder if it relates to the disappointment/void that comes when things reach a conclusion. Being a dancer over so many years and use to the highs of performing, there is always the come down/ void that is left at the end after it is completed. I am no different to others in trying avoid negative emotions and perhaps an aversion to immersion is a coping strategy. Don’t go in too deep if I don’t have to and the void will be less…
This is a weakness. In a structure where one is committed to a person, group or piece there is enough engagement that it’s not really an issue. When one is working for and solely reliant on oneself, it’s much more of a challenge. It limits me personally in what I can reach and create. It also limits my enjoyment as immersion in a task brings such joy.
So it is time to let go and get lost. Enjoy the chaos and not knowing where I will end up. Accept that I cannot control everything and feel. Have a goal, keep my focus, but let it happen.
Here are some suggestions (to myself!) to get started:
to define the goals
the next bight-size steps to take
find a space alone where no one will disturb me
clear all other distractions (eg. phone off!)
set an initial time limit of for instance 10 mins
do all this at a specific time and even a routine time (a date with myself!)
Lower the expectations and enjoy the moment, let go and immerse! Believe that I will still be there at the end, greater for the experience!
Mindfulness in Movement Exercise
Mindfulness in movement exercise- feeling the sensation of moving.
Close your eyes
Focus on one part of the body with your mind
Start moving it
Be mindful of the sensation of the movement
Continue with this part for a while
See how you can expand the awareness to a body part near by
Continue until you have the whole body in your awareness
Notes:
Move or being moved isn’t so important
Questions:
How much were you aware of the body part?
What was the sensation/feeling that came?
How/did the sensation change over time?
How much of your body could you hold in your awareness?
Simple Authentic Movement Exercise
The latest ideas I have been delving into are to do with Authentic Movement and Embodiment. I am no practitioner of either of these fields, but the ideas I read about inspire me to try out exercises in my classes.
My interest in Authentic Movement has gone on a while now. After reading interviews with Mary Whitehouse and Janet Adler, a lot of the concepts and ideas they present really resonated with me. It’s the idea that the body has its own self. Of course it is integrated with our mind, but there is a lot that we can learn from it. There is also the idea that the body contains and expresses our feelings, finding it hard to lie. Therefore the expression from the body, of the body is generally authentic.
The exercise is asking 2 simple questions:
How does my body feel right now?
Where do I have this feeling?
Then focusing on this point with my awareness and waiting for an impulse to move. All movement should come from this point. While moving the question to ask oneself is: is this movement from my impulse? If not reduce and refocus.
The results an my experiences are really interesting. Mostly at the first attempt there is little movement… It perhaps has to do with awareness. What is the impulse that I feel? What is it that am I actually looking for? How much do I allow myself to release into the feeling or sensation that is there? Holding a simple focus on the feeling/point seems to intensify it. Remember it is a feeling or sensation that we are looking for that can include but is not exclusive to emotions.
In doing the exercise, my body generally wants to play with the feeling, moving it around, roughing it up as I go with it. It somehow intensifies the impulse, by being curious and experimenting. The movement itself is initiated from my body and the chosen point. A lot of the time I find the point is in my chest or back area so the arms and legs are initially not so involved. As the impulse expands and I further connect with it, the movement grows to “infect” the extremities. It’s a beautiful feeling, the reconnection to my body and self. It comes out of the resonance and vibration that is left over, and maybe a smattering of resolution and restoration of energy to its natural state.
In working with amateurs especially beginners I have had mixed results. Sometimes they just stand there waiting for an impulse, that never really seems to come. I question whether it is that they unsure, or just not yet physically tuned in enough yet? My guess is it takes a bit of time, awareness and trust, but as with anything, practice expands the skill.
Sometimes I too wonder then personally about the movement they make. I can’t say that it is not authentic, but there do seem to be patterns and certain types of learned movements that seem more produced than coming from an impulse. Structured steps. Whether this is authentic or not is really only for the person moving to know.
With more advanced students there is naturally a greater connection and it seems easier for them to establish a connection and follow the impulses presented. A quicker transition into the state, but in comparison to regular improvisation tasks there is a difference in the build up and direction of the movement. The body is focusing on a feeling or sensation that is generally abstract.
There is the question as to how music influences the process? I find it important that the feeling is established first. The above questions are asked of the body in silence and a short short pause is left before playing music. Naturally the rhythm and mood of the music played affect the way the movement component is developed. Whether it changes it totally I am unsure. I see it for the moment as inspiration.
As a second stage to the exercise, I have expanded it in pairs so that one person dances and the other observes. The dancer does the exercise as above and the person observing has the task of watching with the task of describing to the dancer what they have seen after the dance is finished. This has worked really well.
Though having someone watch what you move can be difficult at the best of times and descriptions may be different to what one felt, the experience has been positive so far. It is a setting that one may find in dance therapy, but here the purpose here is self-awareness and connection. There is something very comforting about moving with a feeling and being seen. Then hearing feedback about ones movement whether it be in pictures or feelings, specific or abstract gives a certain recognition and empathy, which feels good, just like having one’s thoughts reflected. I’m guessing it also builds trust and confidence in oneself, as one is exposed vulnerable and at the same time being seen.
Another aspect I personally find interesting to the exercise is using it to creating choreography from feeling. There are many ways to create and instinctively from my feelings I do this already. The difference I find between general improvisation and creating from this exercise, is that other shapes, forms and dynamics come out different to my standard habits. So far it seems to widen my movement vocabulary and offer another possibility to find movement. Some construction to clearly express an idea is still needed, but within a broader framework such as a phrase of music or a preconceived idea there are many possibilities. The inverse is possible too where the feeling comes first and is then given a structure on the movement created.
More to experiment on!
Darkness - a Concept
Theme: Darkness
How does darkness affect us? How do we under its influence as things become uncertain and unknown?
Darkness heightens our senses the loss of sight. We become more sensitive and the uncertainty of less information about our environment means we have to trust or we feel insecure. Trust in the belief that something is where and how it was, and will be there when we need it. Insecure when we feel we cannot depend on something to be the way we perceive it. Things are where they are, except when they are not. That is the dissonance between seeing and not seeing - being able to know where something is without actually physically touching it. The shroud of darkness.
Darkness also changes our sight and our eyes. It obscures things, changes their shape. Due to the amount of light things can become blurry, appear or disappear . It is a world of limited colour - even greyscale, which can range from pitch black to dim light. Darkness shrouds the light on which we are dependent to see.
Shadows are malleable. They can change shape and grow just simply from where the light comes. A perspective change eg. A change in height can have drastic effect. Shadows can creep, they extend further than the original object that casts. They can become smaller and even disappear.
In darkness there is an intimate world. An inner world, enclosing rather than expanding. Darkness concentrates and focuses to a point like a tunnel or a cave. In darkness there is intimacy and closeness by necessity as our perception of the world is much closer and confined.
In the dark and its uncertainty, a world of fantasy is unleashed. Fantasy is only limited by what we can imagine, rather than what is possible. In the absence of knowing, our minds fills in the blanks, constructing and fantasising about what is and what could be. Human fantasy is such a powerful tool. It makes things appear larger and more intense than they ever could be. It creates and grows, engaging our emotions and senses especially those of anticipation and fear. .
In darkness, by necessity we are forced to explore the world around us to grow and enrich our perception. Not knowing where something is can give us the desire to find out, map and ascertain our surroundings.
Purpose:
To choreograph a dance piece which explores these ideas and concepts. To use the theme of darkness to develop dance about is effects looking at exploring space, fantasy, intimacy, uncertainty and the tension it creates.
4-5 dancers. Solos duets and 4/5 dancer pieces. Abstraction of the ideas, with concrete expression through movement. Use different movement qualities to express the feelings and sensitivities. Find contrast in light and how light is used
Method:
Co-creation with dancers and pre-prepared choreographed ideas and pieces. Find music that fits the theme of in the direction of classical pieces and soundscapes/collages.
To be performed in a black box space where light affects the room. Use candles, use different light sources of different intensities, close by, far away, back-lighting, strobe effects.
Intended Outcome:
One hour of dance with dramatic effect, that heightens the senses of the audiences, explores space, takes the viewer into an intimate world of fantasy and the unknown.