Matt Tusa 8/2/19 Matt Tusa 8/2/19

Beliefs continued

In working with my beliefs over the last 10 day, something has become apparent - I have a lot of them. There are many that I didn’t realise I had and many whose effect I didn’t think a lot of. There are also some beliefs that I realise are unhelpful, but I still have them and though I “know better” somehow believe them deep inside myself. Working with my beliefs has been an eye-opener and has a lot to do with where I find myself in life at this moment. Just awareness of them consciously and a simple affirmation in the opposite direction seems to have a strong effect.

Something that is also apparent is that they are just beliefs… models in my mind as to how things work or function. Often they are generalisations that don’t explain or represent 100% of the information. If I question any of them with rigour, I see their flaws or weaknesses. They are more opinions than facts.

As I read through social media and media in general, there are so many opinions. In fact most of the things I read, even if they are presented with statistics are simply opinions. Statistics are so easy to manipulate to ones view and even “facts” can be misrepresented depending on what one wants/chooses to believe. This is the kind of information that my beliefs (or those that I question) seem to associate with.

It is a long process to identify and evaluate the beliefs I hold. Yet even starting has been worthwhile. I seem to be developing a process to work with them quickly and efficiently, though it will still take a while to develop and become good at.

Matt Tusa 7/30/19 Matt Tusa 7/30/19

Project Rehearsal

This evening I had a very productive rehearsal for my up coming project “Lebendige Landschaft” (there will be more information about the project on this website shortly). As I have been writing in this blog, a lot of what is created comes down to effort. Yes, I need to think and use my time wisely, but putting in effort to pre-plan and be prepared for a rehearsal really is worthwhile.

The project itself has had a break over the summer as we gear up for a performance in September. I’m working with amateurs, but they are giving their all. There is always room for spontaneity and thinking on ones feet, but nothing beats having thought about what I desire to do and going in with a concrete plan.

The piece is at the stage where the overview is there, the ideas are more or less complete, it is just about filling in the details. Yes, there are still a couple of key pieces missing (musically and/or choreographically), but I trust through the process this will come. Time is always key and using it wisely!

The one difference between working with amateurs and professionals that stands out always is: with amateurs, getting the steps is their goal and being confident enough to perform them. With professionals, the steps are only the material and the real goal is to develop how, where the real personal growth comes.

Though we have limited time to rehearse, I plan to take the how as far as possible with this group. It is a commitment to development from my side and I will stress to the dancers how important it is. Using the time we have to get the best possible out of the process and continuing to learn and grow.

The performance in itself is a snapshot of the work that we have done. It is also a celebration of the achievements of all involved and a chance to share with an audience ourselves (whether as a dancer, choreographer or artist).

Matt Tusa 7/28/19 Matt Tusa 7/28/19

Growth Mindset

After reading Karol Dwecks book “Mindset” (link) a couple of months ago I was very impressed by its content and way of thinking. It talks about two types of mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.

The fixed mindset is the belief that basic traits like intelligence or talent are fixed and can’t be changed. This can also apply to situations, relationships, problems and skills among other things.

The growth mindset is the belief that these basic traits can be developed and changed through effort and hard work. Talent is just the starting point for growth and change.

After learning about the mindsets and being aware of them in my life, it has changed my perspective on many situations and things. It has reminded me the importance of learning and helped me to accept failure as a learning experience. This in turn allows me to be more vulnerable as failure is allowed and seen as a valuable lesson rather than a question of my worth.

I also am noticing where I have a fixed mindset and trying to change the thoughts that I have in regards to these subjects. It is often quite surprising and can be contradictory within a certain subject, such as work or relationships. It is a way to question my beliefs and to line them up with the type of life I desire. As I do this questioning, it has the effect of releasing me from situations where I feel stuck and has given me greater determination and resolve to achieve my desired dreams and goals.

Looking at life from a growth mindset has also reinforced the importance of effort in my life. Nothing happens without effort and effort is definitely worthwhile. Especially if I have given it my all. Coming up against resistance is natural, but then it is what I learn from the experience that counts. If it is a failure (or failure to move as fast as expected), I learn from and question what I am doing. Evaluating the results of effort is then the process of decision making and working out whether to continue. Is there is a better way to do it? How can I grow from this situation and develop my skills or even myself? Is it a pattern that I am repeating? Sometimes to even question if this is still a goal I wish to achieve. It is an appraisal of the time and effort put in.

Something that I am a big believer in is that we should give everything a try before deciding whether it is right for us. And by giving it a try that necessitates putting in effort.

Matt Tusa 7/27/19 Matt Tusa 7/27/19

Creations

When I am creating what is the goal or purpose?

My purpose in my creations is self-expression. I feel often a burning desire to express myself, just as I am doing with these words. It’s about creating a choreography that expresses an idea or situation, story or feeling that is often part of my current and actual experience. Be it inspired by an actual theme/experience in my life, a book that I have read or my personal opinion on a topic, it is a process of making sense of my environment and the world in which I live. Capturing its essence, I then explore the possibilities of many different perspectives to expand, develop and refine its meaning and reflect on what it means to me.

My goal is always to create an experience that is accessible to all, understandable and deep in meaning. That means a multi-layered message. Every person experiences life in their own way from their own unique perspective. The way they experience life is valid as it is their own experience. The same thing I believe happens when one is watching a piece of theatre or art. It will have a general effect, but people will feel differently about it as they interpret the piece they engage with, as it relates back to their own personal experience. To me a reaction is important, not what the reaction is. This is engaging, as an artist, with ones audience.

Matt Tusa 7/27/19 Matt Tusa 7/27/19

Effort

Effort, everything needs effort. In a good way too, as I engage with whatever I am doing or thinking about.

There is the effort that is a pleasure. Effort that actually feels like no effort at all. Concentration pure and thought, as I follow a process or the next logical step with a goal in mind. It’s like a habit, if I know what I am doing or have a very good idea about how to do it, I don’t even question the effort it takes to move forward.

There is also the effort that is a struggle. Total resistance as each effort is met with a depletion of energy. Why is it a struggle? Maybe down to beliefs, maybe due to desire… Maybe just a lack of interest or the defensive mechanism inside that creates resistance or causes me to resist. It does come down to what I believe about a certain situation, whether my heart is in it or what purpose it serves. Having a meaning in anything I do certainly does help with motivation to keep going or inspiration to just jump in. They are my beliefs after all!

There is a question of mindset that can help with effort that is struggle. It’s to stay in a growth mindset and see the struggle as a learning opportunity. Realise what is going on and try to change the way I go about a task. See that the effort is creating resistance and try to can find another way that is more effective. In a sense it is looking to succeed in a difficult situation by developing myself, rather than giving up if a situation is too hard. This can be really satisfying!

One thing that I have noticed as being self employed is that I need to put the effort in and motivate myself. There are many things that I do and need to do where without them my life would not be possible… writing bills, preparation and origination of classes, etc. It all takes effort and is necessary to enable me to do the things I enjoy. Seeing the tasks as enablement is key here and makes them easier! In the end anything is what I believe it to be and holds a purpose that helps me to reach my goals.

It is important for me to keep the big picture in mind. Setting and refining goals, as well as holding a vision of my creations with meaning and purpose. This is something I will write about in the next days!

Matt Tusa 7/26/19 Matt Tusa 7/26/19

Random Thoughts

Short post tonight. One of the hottest days on record here in Germany. Sweaty! Time spent inside today and cooling off at the pool. I was also in Frankfurt this evening. It’s a vibrant city and I love the atmosphere for a visit!

I turned my negative beliefs that I wrote yesterday, into positive affirmations today. They were quite inspiring actually. I will continue with this process.

Further reading about the German theatre system: It’s more complex than I realised yet the same as many of my impressions from working within it. There was some information about the lobbying of politicians that theatres need to be involved in to keep their budgets. Makes sense as the money to provide the theatre service comes from public budgets and those responsible need to be reminded of what the theatre is providing. There was also the suggestion to be proactive as theatre leadership in discussions about theatre of the future and how this may look. This I find really important, for politicians who make decisions about theatres and the arts in general are seldom from the branch and therefore have less understanding as to the theatres needs and processes. A theatre director has a much greater insight as to the possibilities and any positive/negative consequences. Not that people can’t be wrong or make mistakes, but it is very important for arts practitioners with “skin in the game” to be a part of the process in decision making where possible.

“Skin in the game” is the concept that the person involved and has personal risk in the described situation and therefore has something to lose, meaning that the result is very important!

Matt Tusa 7/24/19 Matt Tusa 7/24/19

Beliefs

After writing about my inner monologue, the next topic in the “Leadership Step by Step” book is about beliefs.

Peter Drucker told the parable of the three stonecutters in his 1954 book The Practice of Management:

Many years ago, a passerby saw three workers cutting stones in a quarry. Though they were doing similar work, one looked unhappy, another looked content, and the third looked overjoyed. The passerby asked them what they were doing.

The unhappy stonecutter replied, “I’m doing what it takes to make a living.”

The content one answered, “I am a stonemason practicing my craft.”

The overjoyed one looked up with a visionary glance and said, “I am building the greatest cathedral in the land.”

Excerpt From: Joshua Spodek. “Leadership Step by Step”

It’s an interesting tale on many levels. Though the three stonecutters are doing the same thing, it is a matter of perspective as to what the task means. This of course comes down to beliefs. They are such a strong part of our make-up.

What strikes me is simply how easy it is to tell a different story about something one does. I water the plants so they don’t die can become I am growing a magic garden! In the end, one belief makes the task a chore and the other gives it meaning, turning it into a pleasure. But is it really this simple, especially if it is habitual or a belief held for many years?

The related exercise from the book involves writing down my beliefs on paper. I have just started so I am only discovering what is happening, but my first impression is that I am surprised at how many negative beliefs I have. Awareness is of course the first step to being able to change them. In general I consider myself a positive person, but the amount coming out as I was thinking of them was quite staggering. There were some similarities to the inner monologue exercise that I wrote about previously, though this time it wasn’t to do with my mood as such. With the inner monologue, negative thoughts came out that were quite harsh, depending on my mood. With beliefs, there are plenty of core beliefs, that though I try to believe otherwise through affirmations and “knowing better”, they are actually still there! Perhaps I am suppressing the negative beliefs and that is why they aren’t moving on?

Like a habit, a belief is perhaps hard to change (a belief in itself!). Well maybe it just takes some effort. I do believe that it is possible to change all beliefs! And perhaps if I believe that it is easy to change my beliefs, I will make more progress! Am I coming full-circle here?

Matt Tusa 7/23/19 Matt Tusa 7/23/19

Habits

Habits, habitual thinking, habitual ways of doing things. There is so much in my life that is a habit. Some good some bad. Habits to me are things I do without question. I just do them.

I’ve been trying and succeeding to set good habits from the moment I get up in the morning. I have a morning routine that I go through involving meditation, affirmations, exercise and reading. It really sets the tone of my day and I notice the difference if I haven’t gone through this process. It somehow settles me. I also do it without question, just getting up and going. Is it a loss of freedom to have a routine? No, not to me. It’s something that I definitely do for myself, so actually it is a pleasure. There are days where I am feeling lazy but somehow the longer I have been in a routine, it’s actually more difficult to not do it than do it. This is a habit!

So after setting a great habit in the morning, I am trying now to expand habits in my life. Sure there needs to be balance between time that I keep free and time that I preplan. Though habits can be other things too. Spontaneity can also be habitual? Perhaps! Habits can be always preparing for classes before I go to them. They can be how I execute or follow the rules in my trading. They can be simply eating healthy food and getting enough sleep. A lot of time habits are stronger than my self talk. And that is really impressive! It takes so much effort to talk myself out of following a habit. Especially a good one!

Blogging here is becoming a habit. Post number 7 today. Continuing to express myself and commit, for it is a commitment to post every day. I’m thinking that there will be a point where it could become a chore. Yet that is exactly the point where effort is required. At the moment I am just happy expressing my thoughts. It has become a great way reflection on things that I have been working on throughout the day. A small peek into what has caught my attention. I’m enjoying it so far and turning into a habit, one that I am committed to! So I will keep it up!!

Matt Tusa 7/22/19 Matt Tusa 7/22/19

Baumol and Theater Experience

Theater… I was reading Thomas Schmidts book on Theatre Management (in German - link) and in the first chapter there was an interesting idea that got me thinking - “Baumols’ Dillema”.

Baumol was an American Economist who coined “Baumols cost disease” (wikipedia) stating that because it takes the same number of musicians to produce a string quartet now as it did 200 years ago, there is no increase in productivity whereas wages have increased due to many factors, meaning the cost of production is higher now to produce the same quantity. This handily ignores quality and many other things such as inflation that affects the real value of wages, but it does ring true and not only for musicians but the whole arts sector in general.

I find the concept fascinating. It is a value question as to what the value of theatre and art is. The desire to be a business and to follow such concepts tend to be where where theatres get degraded. There is a natural focus (often out of necessity) to try to squeeze every last drop out of the employees, do more (productions, performance) with less (people, resources) and all for what is relative to minimum wage (at least for the qualifications and skills that the people bring).

Theatre, like education and public health services, are a social service provided by the government in Germany and though I am open to be persuaded otherwise, really this needs to be recognised for what it is, rather than pressured to be something else. Theatre is a social cultural service that is for the good of the quality of life in the city, rather than a money making enterprise. Sure, it needs to develop, grow and change to stay relevant with changes in society, but I believe that its place is even more important now than at any time in the last 50 years. And perhaps it is only becoming more important in this digital depersonalised age.

In the changes that we are rapidly moving through, digitalisation being the latest (though previously film and television took their toll), the focus on what makes theatre important should not be lost. My opinion, apart from being a great place for the creative arts to be seen, culturally developed, preserved and questions of society to be asked, is that today, a live experience is more important than ever. People can sit at home and watch whatever television show or film from their comfort of their own couch they desire, but to be there in a concert or performance is a whole other level. It is the live experience that makes a theatre so special due to its mode of delivery.

Live experience is something that a television can never deliver in the same way. It’s about being there and being able to use all one’s senses. To feel experientially with ones whole being. To connect with a moment that will never be able to be repeated. It’s the energy of being taken on an adventure where voices, movement and music is all created in the moment. Using all our senses, we sense what is going on, the non-verbal as important as the verbal, the distance to the performer, the interaction with an audience energetically and its exchange. These things are never replicable on the screen or on a CD. There is the beauty that two performances will never be the same, that this is a unique moment. And in my opinion it is this quality of experience that is what is so valuable. Artistic expression is important, art being created too, but they all feed back into the experience being created. Think things like personality, how a great performer holds his/her audience captive, direction, how genius ideas are presented in unexpected ways, sowing storylines together to take turns that push and pull the emotions of an audience member in every way. These are the experiences that I go to the theatre to see and be a part of. Especially when I can experience them live and in person the experience is 10x more powerful and enriching. They are the things that will always bring me back!

The value of theatre in many ways is immense. Perhaps there is need for greater awareness as to what makes it so unique. Its cost is actually very small in comparison to the value it provides society (in many other ways than are described here).

There is more to these thoughts, that I will expand on in posts to come.

Matt Tusa 7/21/19 Matt Tusa 7/21/19