“Lebenslicht” Inspiration text
The journey of “Lebenslicht”:
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Death comes for us all — our mortality is certain
Whether in a year, a month, or even a day
Rarely do we choose when …
We may try to outrun it— to look away — until it stands before us, unblinking
And in that moment, we are vulnerable, feeling afraid, angry, in denial,
grieving, guilty, ashamed …
Yes, death is certain. But then what? Who are we really?
What might bring us meaning in these final moments?
How can others care for, support and accompany us on this path?
Lasting are the memories that remain, carried by those who walked beside us
To the light we return
Lebenslicht thoughts
What is the piece about?
“Lebenslicht” is about life’s last moments. The state that we are confronted by, knowing that we don’t have long to live. It is a piece about processing the emotions and thoughts that arise. It examines what it really means to go in peace and celebrates and appreciates life in finding oneself during these final moments.
The process:
To get closer to the theme and through working with Sung-Eun, I posed the dancers these questions:
- How would you feel and react if you were told you only had a short time to live?
- With this new reality: who are you really?
- What effect does music have on you?
- When in your life do you feel most alive?
Their answers together with patients stories from Sung-Eun, served as inspiration to create the piece.
Paper Tigers
Paper Tigers (german translation below)
In an open space, four individuals come together. Through their interactions and distinctive ways of relating, "Paper Tigers" reflects on their misplaced attempts to establish true connection.
Like the image conjured by its title, "Paper Tigers" delves into the theme of fear. A construct of our minds, a paper tiger is frightening, yet merely an illusion. Whether embodying the tiger or confronting one, the piece examines our responses to fear and the yearning to exert control when in such states—both over ourselves and others.
From this perspective, relationships shift from being collaborative to becoming a zero-sum game—where one must dominate or be dominated. This attachment is inherently unstable, devoid of genuine connection and trust. Everything is precarious, so retaining control becomes essential, thus perpetuating the cycle of fear.
This immature survival instinct, clashes with their deepest inner longing: to return to a place of safety and connection.
Choreography: Matthew Tusa
Dancers: Ioulia Kokkokiou, Anton Rudakov, Matthew Tusa and Verena Wilhelm
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In einem offenen Raum kommen vier Individuen zusammen. Durch ihre Interaktionen und ihre unterschiedlichen Arten der Beziehung reflektiert „Paper Tigers“ ihre fehlgeleiteten Versuche, eine echte Verbindung aufzubauen.
Wie das Bild, das der Titel heraufbeschwört, befasst sich „Paper Tigers“ mit dem Thema Angst. Als Konstrukt unseres Gehirns ist ein Papiertiger furchterregend, aber dennoch nur eine Illusion. Ob wir nun den Tiger verkörpern oder ihm gegenüberstehen, das Stück untersucht unsere Reaktionen auf Angst und das Verlangen, in solchen Situationen Kontrolle auszuüben – sowohl über uns selbst als auch über andere.
Aus dieser Perspektive wandeln sich Beziehungen von einer Zusammenarbeit zu einem “Zero-zum” Spiel, in dem man entweder dominieren oder dominiert werden muss. Diese Bindung ist von Natur aus instabil, ohne echte Verbindung und Vertrauen. Alles ist prekär, daher wird es unerlässlich, die Kontrolle zu behalten, wodurch der Kreislauf der Angst fortgesetzt wird.
Dieser unreife Überlebensinstinkt steht im Widerspruch zu ihrer tiefsten inneren Sehnsucht: zurück an einen Ort der Sicherheit und Verbundenheit zu gelangen.
Choreografie: Matthew Tusa
Es tanzt Ioulia Kokkokiou, Anton Rudakov, Matthew Tusa and Verena Wilhelm
The 4 F’s in everyday life
Paper Tigers theme is my exploration of people operating in survival mode — seeking control over their environment as a reaction to felt insecurity and the relational patterns that arise. This lack of safety often triggers the well-known four F's: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, as a response
In my research, I found Peter Walker’s insights particularly compelling. He points out that while these responses are rooted in survival, we actually need and use healthier, adapted versions of them in everyday life:
Fight becomes asserting one’s needs
Fawn becomes compromising with others
Flight becomes doing or moving
Freeze becomes being or observing
Interestingly, fight and fawn are opposites, as are flight and freeze.
In a regulated state we vacillate between the poles in a state of calm allowing ourselves to feel safe and open authentically to the outside world.
Paper Tigers background ideas
Paper Tigers
The concept for my latest piece revolves around the Chinese term: Paper Tigers. The theme resonates with my current experiences of the world around me, creating my desire to delve into this psychological phenomenon, which is notably prevalent today.
“Paper Tigers” examines immature methods of interaction, where individuals are consistently stuck in survival mode, dominated by the mindset of "me, here, now." Think an animal out in the wild, its instincts to survive. It's about peoples inherent quest for control to provide the perceived illusion of safety.
In seeking control, life becomes a zero-sum game: I win, you lose. This scenario pits the aggressor against the victim, embodying the mentality of eat or be eaten, win at all costs. As societal beings, we often resort to projection, manipulation, and deception to achieve this. These are the darker aspects of our primal instincts.
Being in a continuous survival mode often stems from past wounds and trauma. Through this self-examination the piece addresses the emptiness within oneself, a void of connection.
As humans, we have evolved the capacity to be prosocial, to expand our thinking for the greater good of the community and beyond. Fundamentally, survival mode lacks the ability to give the essential care we naturally extend to our tribe—the "family" or community with which we identify.
To establish connection, there's an unending search among individuals in survival mode for external sources of love. There is a general misunderstanding that this love is something they can only give themselves. When stuck in survival mode, genuine connection seems unattainable.
It's a scenario of hunting or being hunted, using different tactics to survive. The piece explores these darker sides of human interaction and their complexities.
Paper Tigers
My next project will be called Paper Tigers. It’s from the Chinese phrase 纸老虎 (zhǐlǎohǔ). It refers to something or someone that appears powerful or threatening but is actually weak or ineffectual (Wikipedia).
It’s an interesting theme - scary but made of paper. Who do you know who is a paper tiger?
Today I had a rehearsal with Verena on a duet. There is a short excerpt in the video below. It’s very raw and unworked. A beginning…