Inner Monologue
Inside of all of us are thoughts. An inner monologue. Just being aware of these thoughts is quite something. I’m thinking of the thoughts that come to me in-between deciding and describing and working things out. Not the ones I think consciously, but those that come when I’m not “thinking”. The ones that fill the void and move around when I let go of directing my brain. It’s the subconscious instigated inner monologue that’s going on inside my head. My stream of consciousness. It’s so amazing what I think, the jumbled mambo that goes on. Really passive thought.
In order to write these words here I need to make sense of my thoughts. Yet as I am doing nothing, there are words going through my mind that just come and go. They talk to me from my subconscious. I was writing some of them down today on paper just to be aware of them and connect to them. I’ve done this before, but usually as I write somewhere my mind takes over and directs them. Still, I want to be aware of them in their pure form. They go something like this:
Here I am Saturday, no Friday night. La di da. Who what where when, in a little tired moment as its late. Yet I am still wide awake. Rhyming in the night, without fight moonlight. Let it go, blow. Something I may or may not know. Boom shakalaka. re ro ronk. Inner beginner, mardenate.
Just a sample. Tricky to capture as I can’t quite type as fast as they come and go, but I got a picture down here! It’s late so right now they make little sense, can be kind of creative and want to rhyme here. Yet take another time of day and they can be quite specific and vicious. I was experiencing some adversity this afternoon and they were just telling me how horrible I am, what a “failure”, “no energy”. Try another time and they are whispering to keep going, “you can do it” or “you know you want to”. So much information that is uncensored for it comes from my subconscious and often it just follows my mood. Just like the above text, as it’s late, I’m tired and out it comes all jumbled up.
From my observations so far, my inner monologue just follows my mood and is not based in a firm reality. A lot of the things that are said are just expression of my feelings and at times can be quite unhelpful or self-sabotaging. They are there for sure and they come into my mind and probably have a lot of influence on how I perceive the world and how I feel about it and myself.
Being aware of my inner monologue is my goal for the next couple of days. Writing some of them down for a sample, to get to know them and be more conscious at least of their presence. Always step one: being mindful and taking the time to stop and listen non-judgmentally to realise what’s going on. There is more to this than I am aware of and plenty to discover here!