Desire

Define desire:

Wikipedia (link):

Desire is the emotion of longing or hoping for a person, object or outcome.  The sense of longing is excited by the enjoyment or thought of the idea or person. It causes us to want to take action to obtain this goal.

So what the f… is with desire?  I mean seriously!!!  I’ve been in this world 38 years and for some reason it is only now (and I don’t know why it has taken so long) that I recognise what it is and how much it plays a role in life!?!  It can be personal relationships, work relationships, material, emotional or experiential.  There are a lot more ways that desire works within us, as I am just scratching the surface.  Yet the “law of attraction” seems to work well with them all.  Not the law I desire something, visualise it and it will come to me type (thought this sometimes works well).  I’m talking the desire that creates an emotional pull and feeds our irrationality,  causing us to do things that we wouldn’t normally want to do, creating upheaval and turning our world upside down.  Why is it that I am only just now learning about these things?  Well better late than never ;-)

We all know about it.  We were all teenagers with desires and pining, caught in emotional waves, perhaps rollercoasters.  There was always things that attracted us and things that we were totally indifferent to.  There was also the attitude that if we wanted something badly enough we’d get it, though that never really worked out for me.  It’s so simple to say the grass is greener on the other side… ie. we want what we don’t have.  But also, if we realise that something we always thought we could have, is suddenly not possible - not there for the taking… Boom! An instinctual flip to can occur, like the fight or flight response summoning energy to chase the object of desire.

Desire is the emotional feeling associated with a goal, the hope or fear of reaching it.  It is the drive and motivation that helps us to find food and spurs us into action.  Suspense is also a key component of desire.

“In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting what one wants and the other is getting it” - Oscar Wilde

Sometimes we desire that which doesn’t want us and that which desires us, we don’t want.  Desire often created by the thing that we want but can’t have. Contrarily, to that which we can have, we are indifferent.  So there is the thrill of a chase and the indifference to being chased.  And both reactions cause a deeper intensity of feeling and/or longing.

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.  Resist it and your should grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful.” - Oscar Wild

There is a love of the game of desire.  There is something riveting to the chase and the uncertainty.  This is suspense that I have previously posted about.  We all love the feeling of being alive and on edge.  Some more than others of course, but it is attractive…  There is also a lot to the build up of suspense over time. Its uncertainty heightens our emotional reactions and intensity, amplifying desire.

We also desire things that are perceived as scarce.  Scarcity heightens desire and intensifies the longing. 

Just as an unknown gap in time creates suspense, the longer desires are resisted, the stronger they become.

“Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained” - William Blake

There is another component here that affects desire.  That is attraction…. It seems a fact, that you can’t hide attraction in the face of desire.  It may be possible to play with desire and resist that which wants us or chase that which we want (object, person or goal), but should there be enough attraction, there is only a certain amount of resistance that is possible.  Or contrarily as the quote suggests, should we not really want it, there is only so far that we will be willing to go / play the game.  As soon as the chase in one direction is over, the lack of being chased will cause pursuit in the other direction only if there is enough attraction. Otherwise dissipation ensures, should it not be the case.

About desire I still have questions:  Does desire deepen or develop attraction to certain things?  And is the object of desire a need or desire the need itself?

Desire can also have to do with self-love.  It is how I feel when I am in the moment.  It is that I feel alive and on edge while desiring or that I am being acknowledged when I am being chased.  It is the emotional feeling of importance - how I feel about myself.

Furthermore, is the object or goal the aim and desire its facilitator, or do we desire the game itself?  It all comes down to how we feel.  The more we want something, the stronger the feeling, and the more it doesn’t do what we want (is not under our control or is uncertain), the stronger it gets.

Further reading…

desire-in-relationships-what-really-causes-attraction