Dependence - New Concept
The next theme that I am going to create a dance project on is: “Dependence”.
It's personal in the way that I think affects everyone.
Text to the theme:
Dependencies - our dirty little secrets. Harmless curiosities, essential needs to self-destructive addiction. Active consumption, like doom scrolling social media, crypto gambling, binge-watching Netflix, sugar, coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, all keep us occupied. The craving for pleasure - exciting, omnipresent and easily accessible dopamine hits that draw us in.
Much like drug addicts, we are constantly distracted – whether through thoughts of the activities, engaging in them, or planning our next "hit." For a moment of happiness we engage, fully aware of their effects. Yet we struggle with our dependencies and cannot escape their influence.
In earlier generations, they were harder to access. Modern life has made them cheap and easily accessible. We have sources like our smartphones in our pockets all day long. The first thing we reach for in the morning and the last thing we use at night. We live on a hyperactive plateau, afraid of falling – going full throttle until we crash. Driven by this feeling, we become dependent – the new normal, socially accepted.
What are we running from? And why is it so hard for us to break the cycle?
The dance project is an exploration of our dependencies:
what forms and manifestations exist
how they arise and what function they serve
the damage they cause and the measures we take to satisfy them
Definition:
Dependencies: compulsive physical or psychological reliance on certain substances, behaviors or habits (shopping addiction, gambling addiction, pathological stealing etc.) - Source: (21.09.2024) DWDS. www.dwds.de/wb/Abhängigkeit
The boundaries between enjoyment—such as having an occasional glass of wine in the evening, a piece of chocolate now and then or a shopping experience every few weeks—abuse, habituation and dependency are fluid. [Münchner Merkur, 19.10.2018]
“The reason we’re all so miserable may be because we’re working so hard to avoid being miserable.” Anna Lembke
To get a bit of context about my dependencies, I asked myself the following questions:
- List 5 things that are really uncomfortable to you?
- What causes anxiety in your life?
- What do you do to cope with stress or when you feel overwhelmed?
- Adaptive strategies
- Maladaptive strategies
- What are your dopamine spiking activities? 1-10 how much self control over these do you have?
My answers (popout)
I think my dependencies come from avoidance and escapism. Running away from uncomfortable feelings or problems that I don’t want to feel or deal with. My escape is into social media, news, etc. that just makes my anxiety worse. Anxiety, a feeling that I will be overwhelmed. Do this often enough and patterns and habits form.
Most recently I have been avoiding calm too, trying to keep a high energy level with noise. Dependent on a feeling of needing to be busy (see the post on slowing down) - I turn to social media in my “free time” and breaks. With added awareness, I see how much this affects my being, not allowing myself a moment to breathe and find calm. It was/is destructive and until recently I had little control over it. I did a 4-week social media fast and now every time I look at social media I get a repulsion feeling. Interesting.
Finding calm is so important. It’s a place where I am my best self. A place where I am available to give all my energy and presence to my life and my commitments. So why do I avoid it?!? A very good question to think further about.
As a side note: a couple of interesting ways to gage my stress levels if found are:
- how well can I currently deal with adversity
- how much (as an introvert) do I feel like being socially active
They are interesting because it takes capacity and flexibility to engage in both.
What are your dependencies?
When do they arise?
Slow down
“Just slow down”
As a follow up to the post on Consistency, I’m inspired by the thought of taking things slowly. It’s something that we’re always told to do, but so often need to be reminded of. It’s so easy just to go along with the fast pace of life’s activity. But does it have to be that way?
For some reason I associate constancy with activity and fast pace and I am struggling to work out why? Mental note: doing does not have to mean fast!
There are even whole fables written about this: The tortoise and the hare!!
I believe that to do good work you need to be deliberately slow. Do it with breath. Good work can and often must take time. Consistent in effort and attention, but take time.
The side effect of slowing down is that it allows the possibility to reach a place of calm. Slowing down is the process of being mindful and fully present. I can let my thoughts flow slowly rather than forcing them.
The curious thing is that it is also such a productive place. A place where I can give my best and anything feels possible.
Keep asking myself: “Can I do this any slower?”
Consistency
It's a theme for me at the moment and I’m pleased at how far I have come.
“Professionals are consistent. Professionals simply show up. Especially when they don’t feel like it.”
Inspired by Seths blog: https://seths.blog/2024/09/professionals-are-consistent/
In my life, consistency is about applying myself. It’s the routine that pays off over a long time. It’s getting things done. I leave behind instant gratification and simplicity and put time and effort in to be creative even when I don’t feel like it. Doing the work. Doing something!
Realising that anything is better than nothing has moved me forward. It's amazing how much I produce when I am consistent. How many details come when I am allow them to flow. How much depth in my work that is achieved through applying myself. It could be a sketch or a draft idea. Something that perhaps no one wants to see. Even this post. Good! It’s not about approval. It’s the act of exercising the muscle, the muscle of creation. And through dedication raking up small wins.
The small wins are not dependent or a judgment on quality. The work is also not about being seen. I can decide whether to share the work later. In this safe space of mine, it’s ok to just play. To create whatever I want. It’s a change in mindset from where I have been.
Whether someone like’s my work or not here is unimportant. This place of creation is not about seeking approval. That is an insecure obsession that I always covertly let myself be defined by. And in doing so, trying through others, to fulfil my need for that dopamine hit of being seen. Here, it’s about doing it for me for myself. I enjoy the satisfaction I experience, when I have applied myself. And share with others when I am happy with what I have done.
I find myself getting there lately. I improved my consistency with doing the things I love to do. There was resistance around this for a long time due to the fear. Resistance to start. Avoidance of being judged, reluctance to be vulnerable, perfectionism holding me back. Waiting for a push, waiting for things to line up, only if the “right” opportunity was there, then I would move. Procrastination pure.
Now I am just go. Not waiting for others, or myself to be in the “perfect” place. Now it’s about setting a timer and writing about themes I am working on or getting out a piece of music that inspires me and dreaming up ideas. It’s moving, physically moving, feeling the emotion of the idea. In my mind I am able to fail and in doing so give myself the chance to succeed. But success I now define as simply applying myself, so all I have to do is show up! Turn on the camera and improvise. Find a theme, analyse the music and set a combination. Any combination. Get something out there. Amazing, once it’s started, my mind won’t let it go.My analytical brain is so strong, reorganising or rearranging just comes naturally. It works on ideas even while I am asleep.
In being consistent I have added to my experience. The chance to form my own path of how I do things and what works for me. Through experimentation and repetition I have built up great structures that I am testing and developing further.
A choreographer has to choreograph! A dancer has to dance! A teacher has to teach!
What’s holding you back?
Three forms of movement expression
Warning: Technical
Context:
A personal need of mine is to be understood. This has always meant speaking clearly. When I have the courage to express myself there is nothing to hide or be ambiguous about. I want to be seen!
It is also applicable for expression through movement. As a choreographer, I want the audience to understand what I am expressing. This means: every movement must have a meaning. As Schiller wrote, to put it simply, there must be a combination of feeling and form for something to be great art. And to find this, there must be clarity.
Concept:
Three forms of physical expression in movement
I am currently fascinated by the three forms of physical expression. They are a classification of how to communicate through the body and movement. The concept / inspiration comes from Jacques Lecoq, but goes a little further in its associations.
It goes as follows:
What is it? Forms of physical expression and communication. It’s how we create and communicate and they are all powerful. In dance we use all three. They give meaning to what is being presented. They are recognisable and comprehensible. They are all open to interpretation.
My thoughts to the three (with some improvised examples):
1. An image
Gestures like a raised fist, or a hug - the images you see. These images, poses, gestures, posters, magazines, Instagram posts all have a clear meaning. There is a feeling associated with each one and the "a picture has 1000 words" conveys the desired message. The images can come one after the other and are the easiest to understand. They can seem performative and yet contain a clear direct message.
2. A story
Actions that when taken in sequence create a narrative. We are very familiar with extracting meaning from these movements. We observe and interact with people every day and perform these movements as a natural part of life. They are recognisable, traceable and assignable. In a dance context, they can be exaggerated or subtile and still have a clear meaning. The actions themselves have less of a direct message. Observation is necessary to connect the movements. This is relatively easy as humans love to construct stories to events and attach meaning to them. What is happening? What is this person doing? Actions tell you the story of what is happening to the person in front of you.
3. A monologue
Movement in which feelings and emotions are recognisable, the form is less clear. Abstraction - to take away (clarity). Modern dance uses this form the most. It is the expression of a feeling in movement as an insight into someone’s state of being. A moment where time stands still. This relies heavily on the dynamic of the movement to create the feeling. As it is abstract, the meaning of the movement is often open to interpretation. This engages the imagination of the viewer to make sense of what is being presented and can connect with personal experience of this feeling. This type of movement is a way of exploring and expressing depth.
Dance uses all 3 forms interchangeably with the tendency to use abstraction the most. This change can happen within seconds or over longer phrases of movement.
When you watch a dance piece, how many of these forms do you recognise? When and for what purpose are they being used?
Passing the Time update
Putting the finishing touches on the “Passing the Time” duet. It’s all about fine details now. The choreography is set, the intention behind each movement clear. Now over to the dancer in me to express myself. How would I describe this process?
I am building up my physical capacity as we rehearse, discovering new things each time. For me, as a dancer, it’s about exploration and play. The supporting structure - the steps - are set, which allows me to relax and open up to the other parts of performing. My aim is to keep the choreography alive and spontaneous. There is no one way of doing this, and in the beauty of that which is live performance, it can be different each time.
As the choreography begins to take hold in my body, I feel a sense of automation. I stop thinking about the steps and concentrate on how I want to do them. I use my sense of flow and timing to embody the desired feelings. I trust my own inner impulses and follow my feeling of the moment. This is what I love about performing! It is a flow moment for me. Personal. I feel alive, open and vulnerable, that anything is possible!
Performing on stage is exposure. A moment of vulnerability, allowing myself to be seen for who really I am. There is no hiding in this moment. It’s living and I'm am grateful for the experience.
A rehearsal trailer of the duet:
Friday 30st August 19:30
at the Dance Nexus Festival
Bellevue Saal,
Wilhelmstr. 32, Wiesbaden.
Entry by donation
Infinity dance game exercise
Infinite dance game
Description:
To begin, close your eyes and get a sense of yourself and body, the feeling of moment. After 20/30sec, start:
Continually move until time is up
Purposeful stops are allowed, in that they dynamically script the movement.
Task is to keep moving - speed, energy level etc. are freeMove however you want
Always ask oneself: how do I want to move?
All inspiration is possible, people, objects in room, pictures etc. eyes closed/open.
Length of time:
Should be known by only one person. The idea is to give the feeling that the dance will go on forever…
My suggestion is to try about 20 mins.
My experiences:
Getting past critical thoughts such as: what should I be doing? Or how does this look?
Getting past what can I do now (no ideas)?
Lots of play and curiosity
Very strong connection and awareness of physical self and own desires
Let me know your experiences in the comments!
Anxiety and calm
In exploring the feelings for “PTT” and the moment, I had some personal thoughts on anxiety and how it affects me:
From a meditation on calm some observations fit well together. “There is no calm without anxiety.” I catch myself trying so hard to avoid this emotion. There is no calm without boredom either. Another avoid.
From a high energy level of “doing”, to come back down to homeostasis — so necessary to recharge and nurture, the avoidance just pushes it away. It’s missing until the crash, a constant state of being overtired or just the feeling of running on empty but due to life pressures having to continue.
What if I got in touch with my feelings? If I allowed myself to feel anxious and bored. If I could cope with these just a feelings just a bit more. Would the calm flow?
So much of the dopamine world we live in discourages this. And it is fascinating to watch and observe myself, as I am taking time out and really getting a holiday and rest, how much calm, energy and vibrance I feel. There is anxiety for sure. It’s not so far away. The anxiety that I am missing out or not doing things that I should. It’s perhaps a dive into procrastination, a little too far in low energy place, but it’s ok for now. It’s a place where I know I can kickstart myself when I need to.
It’s fascinating observing my children on their school break too. They are so ingenuous with their time. Creative, when they are forced to be bored and have “nothing to do”. It’s such a gift. I love telling them that boredom is a good thing and seeing it come out as such.
My anxiety:
to not be moving at such a fast pace
to be missing out on ?
to feel negative emotions
They are all going to happen anyway. So why avoid them?!
And calm feels great!
PTT Rehearsal video
Here is a video to connect with the notes of my last post (reference Gelis 1+2). It’s the first section of the duet.
What do you feel and see?
Leave me a comment. All feedback is helpful!