Light Art Dance Project Rehearsals

LIGHT ART DANCE is a project group that together with Jürgen and Grit and the lovely dancers of my contemporary class at Westside Studio have been working on.

It’s been an interesting process this time. It’s the second project we have done together so there is quite a bit of familiarity yet also expansion in what we are doing. The first project we did together it felt personally quite calculated. I’d never worked with these people before and working with amateur dancers is always a different process to working with professionals. Yet the scenes that I created and choreographed had clear distinct ideas with my usual quirkiness. It was very much a potpourri of ideas that mixed together to create an entertaining evening. Though the ideas were new, they drew on past experiences and were put together with moments that I was quite certain would work. The challenge was also the integration of the projection art, but the novel idea of using a gallery window to project onto and having the dancers enter and exit from this “Haunted House” created a great illusion and helped keep the two art forms interacting. The biggest challenge then was to get the dance and the projection timed together so that they enhanced each other. It took time but was well worth the effort and experience.

Now we have come to a second project! This time we are indoors, but not in a traditional theatre. The thing that I found most interesting in the first time was the space in which we performed… a square with the gallery window facing out into it. The audience was positioned at the end of the square and because of a slight slope we had rows of benches to give everyone a great view. This time we are in a church hall. It has a balcony at one end and a white wall at the other. The length of the hall creates a fascinating space… 10m wide but 24m long. My initial instinct was to seat the audience at one end and have the performance at the other. But it seemed to presented and direct. There is always more to a space than the obvious use. Being that it is a church hall it reminded me of my time in my childhood that I attended mass, when the church was full. Being in the shape of the cross we were most often looking at the priest and celebration side on. This idea of different perspectives stuck with me. So the idea came to position the projection at one end like an altar and have the audience on both side along the length of the room. The two sides naturally see each other and the dance is in the middle. It has a bit of the performing “in the round” feel and I am very interested in the reaction of the experience. The idea is to bring the audience closer to the dancers and to take away the 4th wall idea that a traditional theatre presents. This lends itself to modern dance too as there is the philosophy that we don’t perform explicitly to someone (one directional) rather the performance is observed (multi directional).

More to come….

For further information, see the project page here.

Baby steps to sustaining joy

It’s great sometimes to just sit back and take the time to go through important things. There is so much going on in my life that demands my attention, that often I miss the things that give my life meaning. It’s not that they aren’t there, but that they don’t jump out at me saying “give me your attention”.

It’s a little like the difference between sustaining joy and instant gratification. Instant gratification is great, the sugar rush of eating an ice-cream or watching the drama of a sporting event, yet it comes and goes and isn’t sustainable. Really involving myself in a project, taking the time to write this blog or spending time in nature are all these things sustain joy inside myself that can last for days. It’s that feeling of achievement and purpose, no matter the result, that gives my life meaning and keeps me curious as to what’s next or what the possibilities are.

These thoughts come about because, after writing about feeling overwhelmed, I took my own advice, wrote down tasks that I have coming, so as to have an overview and made time and space to prepare for my classes and project rehearsals. The effectiveness of the preparation can be questioned, but not the fact that I did it. It’s the process of putting in the effort, looking for inspiration as I quiet my mind to focus and then making decisions that really brings satisfaction in my actions taking small steps forward. All of this by choice rather than necessity. It does feel good!

Overwhelmed

Here is a post that is personal. It’s something that I want to write about, yet it’s a vulnerable subject. I’m doing it because I think it is important.

There is a state that I sometimes find myself in - feeling overwhelmed. The feeling is extremely powerful and stops me in my tracks. It’s a type of panic. In the moment, I don’t know what to do. I feeling like I want to escape by any means possible yet somehow I am able to continue. It’s an internal feeling that I doubt is obvious on the outside, yet its power is immense.

I don’t have a need to run away from feeling overwhelmed though it is the feeling that I get. Perhaps I should try this figuratively speaking! Anyway, somehow in the moment I manage to continue by nudging myself forward step by step. In the end being overwhelmed is a mental/emotional state. I realise that the feeling and moment doesn’t control my life and there is actually nothing that is an immediate present danger. Yet the feeling does reoccur more often than I would like.

Overwhelming feelings come from three distinct situations that I can identify: being underprepared, splitting my focus and lacking an overview of the necessary tasks in front of me (feeling like I have too much to do).

Lack of preparation is really my own responsibility. Most tasks that I have to do each day are known. I don’t always know the contents of the tasks but an outline is almost always there. Why do I not prepare myself enough even though I know it helps to avoid this feeling? It’s a very good question! I am all about effort and preparation is a necessary effort that really helps me in my life. Perhaps it is simply because I can get away with minimal preparation. There is also a side of me that likes the spontaneity of just making it up as I go. I never really lack for ideas so that is also a reason. I do believe however that being prepared would lead to greater quality in all that I do and I have proven this many times to myself. So it is a decision that I am very much in control of, how I want to feel in relation to preparation.

Split focus is a big issue. It comes down to the number of different tasks I do. The number of different classes I teach is an issue. Kids to adults, different genres of dance, people from different backgrounds. Then mixing this with everything else… choreography, market information, management and organisation of my work and my own life (paperwork), bringing up my children, being a great attentive partner, organising the household, keeping up social relationships, my own personal development in reading and learning. It’s a large and very broad amount of different focuses that don’t always interconnect. Most of them are part of my life and ones life in general. There isn’t a lot of room to adjust without making sacrifices that I am loathe to make. I could teach less classes, but this means less money. I do enjoy the variety of people who I teach, which is what attracts me to the different jobs. Creating is a need which I neglect often simply for other tasks get in the way, but it is my passion and a refuge when, due to its immediacy, is my main focus. My relationships are very important to me and the effort there is always worthwhile. Learning about the markets is something that I am also very passionate about and the time I put in I feel is also very valuable. Monetarily not so far, but the amount I have learnt about myself, my behavioural patterns, discipline, beliefs, mindset, process, the need to be right vs. accepting failure as a learning experience… the list goes on. I have no easy solutions to my split focus conundrum.

There is the philosophy, which I do believe in, that says do one thing give it your total focus and do it well, rather than doing two or more and only achieving mediocrity. It is a place where I feel I am a little stuck right now and something that I will write more about. Perhaps it comes down to my lack of a desire to make a firm decision on my life’s direction. Leaving dance full-time created opportunity, but also expanded my interests. I do enjoy the variety and “freedom” of multiple focuses I have even though it creates some adversity.

At the moment everything I do feels like a jigsaw puzzle. All the skills that I am learning are slowly fitting together for a more concrete purpose. Yet where is it that I am actually going/what are my goals in life? Another topic for a new post.

Keeping an overview of my tasks is a simple enough and can help me to be more organised and provide me with a better structure. The moment I feel overwhelmed by the unknown, just simply taking the time to write down my tasks, make a plan and visually being aware of everything that is coming up - through a diary, releases the feeling of being overwhelmed. This is quite easy to do and get on top of.

So the three drivers of feeling overwhelmed are actually interrelated and connected. I have set out some goals here to plan better and take the time and effort to prepare that can move me forward. Life focus is something to sort out and an ongoing process. It provides me with much growth and I am consistently learning and growing. The effort is worthwhile!

Beliefs continued

In working with my beliefs over the last 10 day, something has become apparent - I have a lot of them. There are many that I didn’t realise I had and many whose effect I didn’t think a lot of. There are also some beliefs that I realise are unhelpful, but I still have them and though I “know better” somehow believe them deep inside myself. Working with my beliefs has been an eye-opener and has a lot to do with where I find myself in life at this moment. Just awareness of them consciously and a simple affirmation in the opposite direction seems to have a strong effect.

Something that is also apparent is that they are just beliefs… models in my mind as to how things work or function. Often they are generalisations that don’t explain or represent 100% of the information. If I question any of them with rigour, I see their flaws or weaknesses. They are more opinions than facts.

As I read through social media and media in general, there are so many opinions. In fact most of the things I read, even if they are presented with statistics are simply opinions. Statistics are so easy to manipulate to ones view and even “facts” can be misrepresented depending on what one wants/chooses to believe. This is the kind of information that my beliefs (or those that I question) seem to associate with.

It is a long process to identify and evaluate the beliefs I hold. Yet even starting has been worthwhile. I seem to be developing a process to work with them quickly and efficiently, though it will still take a while to develop and become good at.

Project Rehearsal

This evening I had a very productive rehearsal for my up coming project “Lebendige Landschaft” (there will be more information about the project on this website shortly). As I have been writing in this blog, a lot of what is created comes down to effort. Yes, I need to think and use my time wisely, but putting in effort to pre-plan and be prepared for a rehearsal really is worthwhile.

The project itself has had a break over the summer as we gear up for a performance in September. I’m working with amateurs, but they are giving their all. There is always room for spontaneity and thinking on ones feet, but nothing beats having thought about what I desire to do and going in with a concrete plan.

The piece is at the stage where the overview is there, the ideas are more or less complete, it is just about filling in the details. Yes, there are still a couple of key pieces missing (musically and/or choreographically), but I trust through the process this will come. Time is always key and using it wisely!

The one difference between working with amateurs and professionals that stands out always is: with amateurs, getting the steps is their goal and being confident enough to perform them. With professionals, the steps are only the material and the real goal is to develop how, where the real personal growth comes.

Though we have limited time to rehearse, I plan to take the how as far as possible with this group. It is a commitment to development from my side and I will stress to the dancers how important it is. Using the time we have to get the best possible out of the process and continuing to learn and grow.

The performance in itself is a snapshot of the work that we have done. It is also a celebration of the achievements of all involved and a chance to share with an audience ourselves (whether as a dancer, choreographer or artist).

Growth Mindset

After reading Karol Dwecks book “Mindset” (link) a couple of months ago I was very impressed by its content and way of thinking. It talks about two types of mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.

The fixed mindset is the belief that basic traits like intelligence or talent are fixed and can’t be changed. This can also apply to situations, relationships, problems and skills among other things.

The growth mindset is the belief that these basic traits can be developed and changed through effort and hard work. Talent is just the starting point for growth and change.

After learning about the mindsets and being aware of them in my life, it has changed my perspective on many situations and things. It has reminded me the importance of learning and helped me to accept failure as a learning experience. This in turn allows me to be more vulnerable as failure is allowed and seen as a valuable lesson rather than a question of my worth.

I also am noticing where I have a fixed mindset and trying to change the thoughts that I have in regards to these subjects. It is often quite surprising and can be contradictory within a certain subject, such as work or relationships. It is a way to question my beliefs and to line them up with the type of life I desire. As I do this questioning, it has the effect of releasing me from situations where I feel stuck and has given me greater determination and resolve to achieve my desired dreams and goals.

Looking at life from a growth mindset has also reinforced the importance of effort in my life. Nothing happens without effort and effort is definitely worthwhile. Especially if I have given it my all. Coming up against resistance is natural, but then it is what I learn from the experience that counts. If it is a failure (or failure to move as fast as expected), I learn from and question what I am doing. Evaluating the results of effort is then the process of decision making and working out whether to continue. Is there is a better way to do it? How can I grow from this situation and develop my skills or even myself? Is it a pattern that I am repeating? Sometimes to even question if this is still a goal I wish to achieve. It is an appraisal of the time and effort put in.

Something that I am a big believer in is that we should give everything a try before deciding whether it is right for us. And by giving it a try that necessitates putting in effort.

Creations

When I am creating what is the goal or purpose?

My purpose in my creations is self-expression. I feel often a burning desire to express myself, just as I am doing with these words. It’s about creating a choreography that expresses an idea or situation, story or feeling that is often part of my current and actual experience. Be it inspired by an actual theme/experience in my life, a book that I have read or my personal opinion on a topic, it is a process of making sense of my environment and the world in which I live. Capturing its essence, I then explore the possibilities of many different perspectives to expand, develop and refine its meaning and reflect on what it means to me.

My goal is always to create an experience that is accessible to all, understandable and deep in meaning. That means a multi-layered message. Every person experiences life in their own way from their own unique perspective. The way they experience life is valid as it is their own experience. The same thing I believe happens when one is watching a piece of theatre or art. It will have a general effect, but people will feel differently about it as they interpret the piece they engage with, as it relates back to their own personal experience. To me a reaction is important, not what the reaction is. This is engaging, as an artist, with ones audience.

Effort

Effort, everything needs effort. In a good way too, as I engage with whatever I am doing or thinking about.

There is the effort that is a pleasure. Effort that actually feels like no effort at all. Concentration pure and thought, as I follow a process or the next logical step with a goal in mind. It’s like a habit, if I know what I am doing or have a very good idea about how to do it, I don’t even question the effort it takes to move forward.

There is also the effort that is a struggle. Total resistance as each effort is met with a depletion of energy. Why is it a struggle? Maybe down to beliefs, maybe due to desire… Maybe just a lack of interest or the defensive mechanism inside that creates resistance or causes me to resist. It does come down to what I believe about a certain situation, whether my heart is in it or what purpose it serves. Having a meaning in anything I do certainly does help with motivation to keep going or inspiration to just jump in. They are my beliefs after all!

There is a question of mindset that can help with effort that is struggle. It’s to stay in a growth mindset and see the struggle as a learning opportunity. Realise what is going on and try to change the way I go about a task. See that the effort is creating resistance and try to can find another way that is more effective. In a sense it is looking to succeed in a difficult situation by developing myself, rather than giving up if a situation is too hard. This can be really satisfying!

One thing that I have noticed as being self employed is that I need to put the effort in and motivate myself. There are many things that I do and need to do where without them my life would not be possible… writing bills, preparation and origination of classes, etc. It all takes effort and is necessary to enable me to do the things I enjoy. Seeing the tasks as enablement is key here and makes them easier! In the end anything is what I believe it to be and holds a purpose that helps me to reach my goals.

It is important for me to keep the big picture in mind. Setting and refining goals, as well as holding a vision of my creations with meaning and purpose. This is something I will write about in the next days!

Random Thoughts

Short post tonight. One of the hottest days on record here in Germany. Sweaty! Time spent inside today and cooling off at the pool. I was also in Frankfurt this evening. It’s a vibrant city and I love the atmosphere for a visit!

I turned my negative beliefs that I wrote yesterday, into positive affirmations today. They were quite inspiring actually. I will continue with this process.

Further reading about the German theatre system: It’s more complex than I realised yet the same as many of my impressions from working within it. There was some information about the lobbying of politicians that theatres need to be involved in to keep their budgets. Makes sense as the money to provide the theatre service comes from public budgets and those responsible need to be reminded of what the theatre is providing. There was also the suggestion to be proactive as theatre leadership in discussions about theatre of the future and how this may look. This I find really important, for politicians who make decisions about theatres and the arts in general are seldom from the branch and therefore have less understanding as to the theatres needs and processes. A theatre director has a much greater insight as to the possibilities and any positive/negative consequences. Not that people can’t be wrong or make mistakes, but it is very important for arts practitioners with “skin in the game” to be a part of the process in decision making where possible.

“Skin in the game” is the concept that the person involved and has personal risk in the described situation and therefore has something to lose, meaning that the result is very important!

Beliefs

After writing about my inner monologue, the next topic in the “Leadership Step by Step” book is about beliefs.

Peter Drucker told the parable of the three stonecutters in his 1954 book The Practice of Management:

Many years ago, a passerby saw three workers cutting stones in a quarry. Though they were doing similar work, one looked unhappy, another looked content, and the third looked overjoyed. The passerby asked them what they were doing.

The unhappy stonecutter replied, “I’m doing what it takes to make a living.”

The content one answered, “I am a stonemason practicing my craft.”

The overjoyed one looked up with a visionary glance and said, “I am building the greatest cathedral in the land.”

Excerpt From: Joshua Spodek. “Leadership Step by Step”

It’s an interesting tale on many levels. Though the three stonecutters are doing the same thing, it is a matter of perspective as to what the task means. This of course comes down to beliefs. They are such a strong part of our make-up.

What strikes me is simply how easy it is to tell a different story about something one does. I water the plants so they don’t die can become I am growing a magic garden! In the end, one belief makes the task a chore and the other gives it meaning, turning it into a pleasure. But is it really this simple, especially if it is habitual or a belief held for many years?

The related exercise from the book involves writing down my beliefs on paper. I have just started so I am only discovering what is happening, but my first impression is that I am surprised at how many negative beliefs I have. Awareness is of course the first step to being able to change them. In general I consider myself a positive person, but the amount coming out as I was thinking of them was quite staggering. There were some similarities to the inner monologue exercise that I wrote about previously, though this time it wasn’t to do with my mood as such. With the inner monologue, negative thoughts came out that were quite harsh, depending on my mood. With beliefs, there are plenty of core beliefs, that though I try to believe otherwise through affirmations and “knowing better”, they are actually still there! Perhaps I am suppressing the negative beliefs and that is why they aren’t moving on?

Like a habit, a belief is perhaps hard to change (a belief in itself!). Well maybe it just takes some effort. I do believe that it is possible to change all beliefs! And perhaps if I believe that it is easy to change my beliefs, I will make more progress! Am I coming full-circle here?